MY STORY OF CHARIS SOUTHWELL

By her husband, Bill Southwell

November 21, 2013

This is my story of Charis. It is a story that must be told. And I must tell it.

The first time I saw Charis was at Moffett Naval Base in Mountain View, CA. She was leading the music at a mid-week servicemen religious meeting where, as a Mormon missionary, I was invited to teach a series of lessons on Mormon doctrines. She was the girlfriend of Jay Wixom, the leader of the servicemen’s group and attended these meetings along with some of her girlfriends. After one meeting back at our apartment, my companion, Elder Chipman, made a comment about the girl who led the music. He said, “Doesn’t she sparkle?” I said, “Elder we are not to notice the girls!” It turns out that she was the most attentive person attending the series of lessons, which were taken from the book, Articles of Faith by James E. Talmage.

That fall in September when my two year mission was coming to an end, I was invited to speak in several local Wards of the Church, one of which was the home ward for Charis. After the meeting, she came up to me to thank me for the lessons on the base. I could discern that there were tears in her eyes.

Later that month I returned to BYU and began my second year as a speech and dramatic arts major. And I also resumed dating. Another girl who attended those base meetings at BYU that fall saw me on campus one day and told me that one of the non-member servicemen who had attended those meetings was interested in joining the church and could I get her in touch with Jay Wixom with this information. I said I did not know his address or whereabouts, but that I would try to find out for her.

That is the reason for that first letter to Charis. Well, that is not exactly true, I had learned from one of her friends, Colleen Smith, that she was no longer going with Jay Wixom. But I wrote her a letter anyway. To my delight about a week later I got a letter from her. That started a series of letters between us.

She was a freshman in a humanities honors program at San Jose State University. I was somewhat biased pro-BYU as the greatest seat of learning in the world, and she was somewhat biased against BYU because of its representation for students finding marriage partners known as B-Y-woo, and not being very intellectually challenging. Nevertheless, she did arrange to come to Provo with her dad, who was a manager for US Steel, for a short visit to her friend Colleen Smith.

They invited me to come to her Heritage Halls apartment. I did and there I met her father Don Greenwood. He was self-assured and dashing with a small Errol Flynn mustache. For the first time I did get to see Charis other than through the eyes of a missionary. Sure enough, she was vibrant, she did sparkle. I doubt that that short visit changed her opinion of BYU, but we continued to write. I described to her some of the classes I had taken, including a creative writing class from Dr. Clinton F. Larson and a Freshman English class from Dr. Edward Hart, both great men who had influenced me. Our initial letters were not love letters but they were regular and eagerly anticipated. I knew she was no-doubt dating and I also dated. In my Physics 101 class (before I switched to being a Physics major) I met Beverly Watkins who was a talented singer. I took her to see Ben Hur in Salt Lake City. I picked her up at her home in Salt Lake City but before leaving she beautifully sang, “I walked today where Jesus walked,” accompanied by her mother on the piano. Beverly was in Opera Workshop.

The Kimballs were her relatives. Once at a Hawaian restaurant on the east side of Salt Lake City with her family we met Spencer W. Kimball who went around the restaurant shaking hands with everyone, even me.

Once going out of the main doors of the Eyring Science Center at BYU with Charis, Beverly was coming in through the doors. I introduced them and they smiled at each other. (Probably fall 1960) I was never good at breaking off relationships so when Charis came to Provo I just never got around to seeing Beverly. I don’t know how she felt. I just wanted to say to her, “Charis is a once in a lifetime…There is a compelling force. I couldn’t help it…” But I never did explain. Charis was stately about it and never asked me about her.

{Beverly had an older sister whose husband worked at Ames Research Center in Mt. View, CA, where I later went to work.} I must get back to my story.

Charis’ dad had a business trip to Utah so she came to visit BYU. This was in November 1959. (From her diary: She had been occasionally dating a German boy named Willi and at the time was just beginning to date a Stanford engineering graduate student named Casey Clark. She was a little disappointed in the BYU, it was cold, but it had a good Art Department.) We continued to write that winter and spring. She was in a Humanities program at San Jose State. Then in the Spring 1960 (March 31, 1960) I suggested in a letter that she attend Summer Session at BYU.

She did and so began the most glorious romantic summer ever. She stayed in a room in Helaman Halls. I remember calling on her in the air-conditioned big lobby area. It had cushy seats and played instrumental music like Sound of Music. I was staying in a basement apartment off-campus. At that time there were some roses in the back yard which I could pick. I had a friend, a slow speaking man of wisdom, who showed me how to de-thorn the roses to give to Charis.

I remember coming across the grass area, down a little slope, on a warm summer evening. When she saw me, she started running towards me and I ran to her. This is a slow motion memory. She was wearing a green skirt which she had just made. I don’t know where she got use of a sewing machine; she was multi-talented. The high Wasatch Mountains to the east, BYU was an inspirational place for a young writer and scientist and for love to bloom. On one day she packed a picnic basket with fried chicken, I don’t know where she cooked it, and we went on a picnic, probably in a Provo park.

SPRING

Ah, we must agree about moist grass
And sun against my face,
Cool on one side, on the other warm,
And on yours the same.
To pull some grass together in my hand
And sprinkle it over your closed eyes
Seems like a lovely thing to do,
And if you’d smile, I think I would.
Or, if you’d move a little, I’d mention a butterfly I see.
Tomorrow the sun may be still warmer,
And we’ll discuss the impending days of warm grass
In our hair and down our backs.
Then I’ll brush your eyes with a soft stem
And they’ll open.

Once we went swimming, I don’t remember where, but I remember her modest swim suit. We did things a lot with at least two other couples. I don’t remember their names, perhaps they were her roommates or classmates. Campus dances were a hit with Charis. She loved to dance and she was good at it. I was not. But fortunately there plenty of boys who wanted to dance the fast dances with her. She was energetic.

About 2 weeks after she arrived in Provo we went on a canyon party on a Saturday afternoon-evening, It was in a Provo canyon with some other couples. There were some blankets to sit on. We were talking. She asked what my goals in life were. What did I expect to do? What great work did I need to perform? Here was a person who felt a sense of destiny and maybe, although nothing was ever said about this, that maybe her destiny needed to be sooner rather than later. She was someone who thought about these things more than I did, yet I did have such feelings. I do not remember how I answered her. I was lying down enjoying the clouds and the sky. Suddenly she came close and we kissed for the first time. Thinking back on this, I felt she was like Eve, knowing that I was still in a Missionary arms-length mode since I had met her on a mission. And knowing that things needed to move along, she encouraged things a little. But it didn’t take much encouragement. That was June 25, 1960.

On the fourth of July with a group of friends we watched the annual fireworks from the BYU stadium from blankets on a lawn near the Helaman Halls. We were also able to hear the patriotic speeches. It was truly a glorious summer. We were happy. She was taking a writing class and I was taking two calculus classes in order to catch up and enable me to enroll in physics classes in the Fall. I had changed my major from Speech and Dramatic Arts to Physics. My education now had more purpose. Not destined to make great discoveries necessarily, but to provide a means to support myself and a family.

Although encouraged by Katheryn Pardoe, a Dramatic Arts teacher who said to me after hearing me recite Robert Browning’s My Last Dutchess, “you have talent,” I knew that another gift, mathematics, would provide a more dependable livelihood. I had friends in my freshman year before my mission who in the middle of the year left BYU and headed to Broadway in New York to write and act and obtain fame and fortune. None of them achieved either. When we were snowed in on the farm in Wyoming in my youth, my father taught me algebra and trigonometry. He also instilled in me the belief that I was good at it, a concept that was re-enforced at school when I was far ahead of anyone else. I was first in a state wide math exam which won for me a scholarship in Math at the University of Wyoming. But after graduation from high school I did not go to college. Instead I went to Denver to work. My counselors never understood that it wasn’t just that I did not want to go to the University of Wyoming, I wanted to go to BYU. But I couldn’t afford it. I had never seen the BYU campus, but still I felt a drive to go there. That was my sense of destiny. I worked for a year in Denver, then started BYU in September 1956. Like the man in the movie Close Encounters being drawn to Devil’s Tower, I was drawn to BYU and I did not know why for sure.

So there I was in the Summer of 1960 studying hard but spending every possible minute with Charis. We studied together at the air-conditioned library. We walked across campus together. We went to campus movies together. One Saturday night after a dance we were strolling across campus. She felt that I was sad. She asked what was wrong. Finally I said that I was afraid that this would all end up as just a summer romance. She said that she never thought of it that way. Then a while later she said, “I’m kind of sad now, thinking about what you said.” I took her in my arms and said to her, “I hope it lasts forever.” She replied, “Oh Bill, I love you so much.” This was the first time I had ever expressed love for a girl. It was a glorious moment in time, in eternity, under the stars on a warm summer evening.

The 1960 BYU summer session ended and Charis returned to Los Altos California and I to the farm in Wyoming. By brother Rollin was about through with his mission in Washington State. My dad wanted to meet him and bring him home and he wanted me to drive. But first he wanted to visit his brother Glen in Delano, California. So I drove my mom and dad to California from their Wyoming farm. When we got to Los Vegas on a Sunday, we went to a Church Conference at a big convention center and heard Marion G. Romney speak. Then instead of going the usual route to California, Dad decided we should cut across Death Valley to Bishop, California. We did, but there were no cars on the road and it was hot. Everything was closed for the summer. We were lucky we made it. I remember spending the night in Bishop, CA in a room formally the home of a teen age girl. I glanced through her diary, but I don’t remember what it said.

We continued our journey and visited my Uncle Glen and Aunt Georgie in Delano, CA. This was no doubt in early August. One more memory comes to mind. Charis was aware of my trip and visit to my Uncle and Aunt, so she wrote me to their address in Delano. But the letter didn’t arrive until after we left. They forwarded it to me later with the note, “Sorry we opened this by mistake. We didn’t read it, ha ha.”

My mother had to return to Wyoming to start her first grade teaching duties. The decision was made to have her ride the train back home from Sacramento while Dad and I would go on to Washington. From the map I noticed that from Delano to Sacramento was a straight path. But we could deviate a little and go through Los Altos, CA and I could visit Charis. So we drove that way. When we got to Sunnyvale, I stopped at a phone booth to call her. But I could not get through. The number was YOx-xxx and I think I punched a zero for the letter O. I gave up and since time was short, I drove to Deodara Dr. and went up to the door. A blond lady came to the door who must have been 9 months pregnant. I explained who I was and asked if Charis was there. She said that she was in San Jose and that she was sure going to be disappointed that I missed her.

That was my first memory of Afton, Charis’ mother. We continued our trip to Sacramento and on to get Rollin. On our way home, just three miles from the farm we hit and killed a deer. The car wouldn’t drive, so Rollin walked home and came back in the pickup. Dad butchered the deer.

Charis’ mother gave birth to David Clark Greenwood on August 8, 1960. Charis was there for a month at which time she had medical tests. The concern was: Should she return to BYU for the school year? From her diary, “According to examination and Lab work I am in the best physical condition I have been in years. Dr. Lee is thrilled and practically sent me back…” She was accepted in the honors system at BYU and was anxious to start school, but she also felt a reluctance to leave her family. She took a train to return to Provo. It arrived before light. When it came in there was steam and darkness on the ramp. Then I saw her standing by her bags. I ran to her and we clinched. Oh the ecstasy. She was light, I was young and strong, and she was off her feet as we hugged. This is another slow motion deeply etched memory.

She had a room in Social Hall, which was an on-campus dorm, eliminating the long walk down the hill to Helaman Halls where she was in the summer. To visit her or to take her out I had to go to a hallway and phone her room and then wait for her to come down. This was also where I would say goodnight to her. I was living in a basement apartment with four other boys on 800 North. I had one roommate who was especially good at cutting expenses. We chipped in $5 a week each for food and we rotated the cooking dinners. To eliminate the cost of toilet paper, he told us to use the bathroom on campus. I remember on one occasion when it was my turn to cook, Charis came in and cooked a wonderful dinner (meatloaf, I think). They were all impressed and Charis had no problem cooking for 6 of us.

Being in the honors program she had classes with the best teachers. My schedule was such that I could attend her religion class with her. It was a Book of Mormon class taught by Hugh Nibley. These classes were entertaining and electrifying. They inspired us both to higher intellectualism and scholarship. Once he asked the class to pick a number from one to 500. No one immediately responded, so I said 473. He then turned to page 473 of the Book of Mormon and was able to find something on that page that was in agreement with other ancient documents that was not known at the time Joseph Smith published the book. This class was held on Tuesdays just before the weekly devotional assembly held in the Smith Field House. I remember one day he said, “We must now all go to the devotional, today’s speaker is Gordon B. Hinckley who always uses correct English.” (He was an assistant to the 12 at the time (October 5, 1961) but I always remembered that comment. He always did use correct English and had a command of language even until his death at 97.)

Another honors class she took was Theology 132 taught by Truman Madsen. This class required a research report. She chose the topic of plural marriage. She studied biographies and pioneer diaries where she could find them at the BYU library. She also went to Salt Lake City to the Church Archives to read what she could find. She submitted a 42 page report, The Principle of Plural Marriage Described by those who lived it. This earned an “A” and the comment, “An excellent study” from Dr. Madsen. This research no doubt formed the basis for the poetical play, Emma, which she later wrote. Truman Madsen was also the Bishop of the Ward that I attended.

In May of 1961, Charis and I went to Manti with a group temple excursion. She did baptisms for the dead in the basement font room while I did an endowment session upstairs in the temple. Having been on a mission at age 20, I had already been through the temple. Charis declared that she wanted the temple experience. Single sisters at aged 19 were not encouraged to go the temple (except for baptisms for the dead) until they married or went on a mission. Spiritually she was ready and prepared. She got the permission letter from her parents, the interviews from her Bishop and Stake President, and received her temple recommend.

We went to Manti on 6-May-1961. Neither of us was keeping a journal at the time, but a week later we jointly made these entries on thin paper. Charis wrote, “On May 6, 1961, finally after securing recommends we were on our way to Manti to the temple. We left early at 6:30 after taking my brother Rollin to the National Guard Armory. He was kind enough to loan us his car for the day. It was a beautiful clear morning. We noticed that the upper part of the Y had been filled in with white wash the night before. Before leaving Provo we put gas in the car, then stopped in front of a cemetery and had a word of prayer. Charis was so sleepy from all of the excitement, she had not rested the night before, so she slept most of the way down. We stopped for breakfast along the way in a small café in Fairview. We had potatoes and toast. We knew the temple session would be long and felt that nourishment would be good before going through.

This was a long awaited event and we were both excited. Charis was scared. But before we went into the temple we bore our testimonies to each other and entered the temple feeling very thrilled and happy. We had spent the night before studying about the temple from an article that President Hales gave Charis, we also read from the scriptures. Neither of us had done much school work the week before. It had been difficult for Charis to catch her Bishop to get a recommend, after getting letters from home. The she had to see the Stake President. Even after she had her recommend she needed her baptism date, which we didn’t get until late Friday afternoon between classes.”

(Then Bill writes.) “The temple workers were nice and much help. We found out this session was designed for those getting their own endowments which was especially nice since Bill had never had the benefit of such a session. After going through, we found a group that went upstairs and we saw a large Priesthood room and the spiral staircase. After sitting quietly in the Celestial room we went down, changed into our street cloths. Charis forgot to turn in her locker key and had to go back. We walked out of the temple and looked out over the valley. It was afternoon, warm. We drove downtown where we stopped at a Dairy Queen and had hamburgers. We noticed the old brick and stone buildings across the street. The stone was old and similar to that which the temple was made. We couldn’t see whether the mortar had fallen out or if there even was any in one old building. Behind us an older man and a boy were nailing up a mail box on the porch of an old home. We decided to drive around and look at the old homes. We started driving home. It was beautiful. We were inspired by the scenery and the lonely country side. And we wished how we could have a home or a farm out in the country someday.”

Charis worked on her poetry. She carefully crafted the poem Seabird. Describing, perhaps, walking on the beach at Santa Cruz, California. I don’t remember if she was working on this on her own or if she was submitting entries in a creative writing class. Nevertheless, there was a snag. The poem at that point read as follows,

How many silent birds have winged away At the scraping of my footfall on brown rocks Below the world in the sea, where grey White birds sleep? I know not. I know that once one stayed And, turning wise indifferent eyes, Watched me stumble down the cliff And wince at the salty spray, Waiting till I reached his side Before he flew away.

She was told that the phrase “I know not” should be changed to “I do not know.” Charis struggled with this. Was it a matter of integrity? I don’t know. I think it was that changing words in a poem is like changing notes in a symphony, something great artists just don’t do. I do not know her attitude when she agreed to the change. I do know that later she did say to me that they were right. She submitted it for consideration for the BYU Hart-Larson poetry contest. The author of the winning poem was considered the best poet at BYU.

We attended the awards banquet for the Literature Department. The winner was announced. To her great joy, she was the winner. She went up to accept the statuette, “Winner Hart-Larson Poetry Award, 1961, Seabird, by Charis Greenwood” The poem was then read by Clinton F. Larson. (She was a three-time winner of this award, in 1963 and 1964.

This was a year of achievement for both of us. I was catching up on my physics and math requirements so that I could graduate with a BS degree the next year. We were together all we could be. We took in the concerts and plays. For me I was absorbing the arts while grinding through math and physics. We were together because we wanted to be. We were not love-struck zombies. Both of us studied hard and performed well in our classes. We sustained and supported each other. Her sense of purpose and love was always inspirational to me. We had to make plans for the summer. She would return to her family at home in Los Altos California and I would go out there to find work for the summer.

 

Summer 1961

I was fortunate enough to be able to stay with a family I met on my mission, Bill and Wilma Bower and their two small boys in Mountain View, California. I had some previous experience picking cherries and working in the canneries in San Jose. But somehow that did not seem available. I went to the State Employment Center for part time or temporary work. I was sent out to S & W Enterprises. There I found a room full of girls making telephone calls. The calls informed the people of a good price on certificate for an 8 by 10 picture at a photography studio. When they accepted a driver would come to deliver the certificate along with a chance to win a valuable prize including one of the following: a color TV, a car, a trip to a South Seas resort, or a cultured pearl necklace. What they won was indicated under a seal which they pulled off when they got the certificate. They received the prize itself when they went in for the photo. There were two men is a side office that explained this to me.

My job would be to receive a list of addresses from their office and drive to their homes to collect the money and deliver the certificates. I would be paid 50 cents for each certificate delivered and 70 cents if delivered more than 20 per day. I was driving my brother’s car, a 1949 Hudson, which was a little beat up but ran ok. Since I knew the territory, from Palo Alto to San Jose, having been there on my mission, I thought I would do ok. Each day I would receive the addresses for the deliveries. I would look them up on the map and decide my route. I worked quickly and for long hours as to make more. One older lady invited me in. When she saw on the list of prizes a cultured pearl necklace she had to show me something. I recorded that in the journal I was keeping. (Which I now insert)

July 30, 1961

This summer again I came out to California to work. Hopes of working for Lockheed kept me from trying too hard at the canneries and other places. I did go to electronic and research industries throughout this region to look for summer work. There was none.

Lockheed phoned and said there was a freeze on hiring new people. Things became desperate. I went to the farm labor office—answered ads in the papers and I went to the Dept. of Employment. Finally a tall kind lady in Palo Alto employment office sent me to S & W Enterprises, 192 Murphy Ave., Sunnyvale to work as a delivery boy. They do telephone soliciting—selling photograph coupons and a free gift. I deliver them and collect $2.95 and earn 50 cents for each one—unless I collect over 50% them I get 60 cents each.

I worked two weeks now. I figured I had to earn $12.50 a day profit in order to make my summer profitable for tuition etc. for school. I’ve done it (make an average of $12.50 a day) for these first two weeks—now there are six weeks more.

Charis has been baby-sitting and teaching art lessons in her home. Last week Wally kicked her and tore open her leg. She had to have it stitched shut and must wear a bandage for a while.

Even here it is difficult to find ourselves alone. Society hasn’t made enough provisions for this. And maybe they shouldn’t they figure they know youth better than youth does. I guess they are right—according to the figures.

Aug. 10, 1961 San Jose, Calif.

I’m still working making deliveries of Portrait Certificates. Yesterday was a good day. By 5 o’clock I had sold 22 out of 28 for 79% which pays 75 cents each instead of 60 cents. Therefore I told them I wanted no more this evening. I went to see Charis. We watched TV till 10 then went out to the car to have prayer. It was a week ago that I told her of my “frustrated” plans of getting married before going back to school. She entertained the idea and even made mention of it in her prayer then—asking for wisdom in making the decision. The idea of getting married Christmas began to prevail since then. She even mentioned this to her mother—telling her to “prepare” for news. Well, last night we talked about her continuing school. She told of the possibility of having to stay in California if she had to take a large dose of drugs. We had a little misunderstanding until we talked. I told her that I wanted to avoid the unpleasantness of last year caused by not being married. Then the idea occurred to me of still getting married before school starts. It made me feel good to think about it. When I got home I prayed about it. Then last night I had a vivid dream. I was walking down a street when a man came up to me and said, “Don’t you think it’s about time?” I didn’t understand what he meant until he took me into a store and started to show me wedding rings. He showed me a couple I didn’t like. I told him what I wanted. He brought out one that was just fine. It also had a spring adjustment so it would fit snug. I asked him if it had a matching pair. He said yes. Also he said it would cost $2.95.

Aug. 16, 1961 (Proposal of Marriage)

Well, things have been happening. Sunday night I mentioned to Charis the plan of getting married before school. Her folks have gone on a 2 day vacation leaving her in charge. We took Wally and David to Church and I helped bathe them and get them to bed. Then we went into the family room and talked. We were thrilled. I told her how guilty I have felt for not marrying her and being responsible for her and how that the reason I haven’t is that I have lacked faith— always trying to be perfectly secure (financially) first. This will be a plunge but this is the way I want to start. (142.5 lbs.)

Next Entry

The last 3 days have had good things and bad things. More, I believe, than any other time in my life.

This afternoon I received a bad payroll check back from the bank. –too busy to write.

GENTLEMEN: (Letter to Labor Commission)

For 4 weeks and 2 days I have worked for S & W Enterprises, an advertising agency with offices at 192 S. Murphy Ave, Sunnyvale, Calif. This morning I received from the bank my check for my second week for $76.21 marked insufficient funds. Also I was informed that the third week’s check for $66.31 also is no good. Also S & W Enterprises owes me for the 4^th week work which should be $67.80 plus my work on Monday of $9.00. This makes a total of $219.32 not counting withholding tax of approximately $40.00 and $7.00 old-age benefits.

Yesterday they did not come to work and there is a sign on their door saying “Temporarily Closed.”

Since they left Monday, I still have Monday’s money to turn into them which amounts to $8.85 in checks and $44.25 in cash. Yesterday, Arthur Wilson phoned me and said he would come to my home at 11:30 pm to collect Monday’s money. He did not show up.

They have an office in Union City at 33515 6^th St., Union City, Calif. The 2 owners are Arther B. Wilson and W. Royle Hunter.

What can I do to get my $219?

They told me to pay them—not withhold any money that was due them. The Labor Commission would look into getting my money back.

After the absolute high of my life when Charis said yes to marrying me came the absolute low of finding myself without money.

My faith was being tested. We had things all worked out. I had just enough money to get us started at the cheapest married student’s housing. I would apply for a teaching assistantship, which they often grant to seniors in the Physics Department. But now I did not even have enough to drive back to Provo.

But there were immediate blessings after the trial of my faith. Somehow I got a job, probably from the employment office in Palo Alto, as a warehouse worker for Varian Associated in Palo Alto. They are a big electronics and optics instrument company. It was excellent pay (compared to what I was getting) and regular hours. I worked there for a few weeks earning enough for fall tuition and for getting us back to Provo. I also wrote to the BYU Physics Department and secured a job as a teaching assistant, which would pay enough for our rent at Wymount Village ($39/month married students housing), and also arranged for our housing. That was essentially on campus and was where the BYU Law School building now sits. Close enough so we could both walk to our classes.

It was truly remarkable how these plans fell into place after my disastrous experience earlier that summer and my decision to still get married in six weeks made at the depth of my despair.

I remember working with another summer student, John Phillips. He was bright and we had some discussions about the Mormons. I remember once while moving some heavy steel room dividers to a truck, some were leaning against a wall but came falling down on me. One end was a two by two inch steel channel that extended to the ceiling to hold the temporary walls in place hit me and tore my shirt. Because of their weight it could have ripped me open, but I was unharmed.

Because of my job at Varian, I had evenings free to be with Charis. We had to make quick plans for a rushed wedding. We decided to be married in the Salt Lake City Temple on the Friday before classes began at the BYU. This way I could work as long as I could to earn enough. Afton wanted a reception in California. Receptions are always held after the weddings, but coming back after the wedding was not realistic. Looking back I realize I was a source of consternation in all this. There was just not enough time to plan a wedding. The Los Angeles temple was too far away and would have added considerable travel and bother. A suggestion was made that we be married by the Bishop, have the reception, and then go to the Salt Lake Temple to be sealed. I didn’t know about these things so my mind was mulling this idea. But Charis immediately burst out with, “No! I will never be married in any place other than the temple.” They say couples should go together long enough to reach an anger flash point just to see what they are in for. We had been going together for over a year and this was the closest to a flash point I had ever witnessed in Charis.

It was my insistence that we be married before starting school that was the source of this problem. It was decided that we would have an unconventional reception called a “pre-wedding open house” in California before leaving for Utah. Afton was a great support although I don’t know quite how she felt about all this. She got Charis a really beautiful wedding dress, although she did not wear it at the open house in the Sunnyvale Ward cultural hall. Still invitations were sent, gifts were received, and we had a receiving line. It was wonderful. It was an event to celebrate, especially to those friends of Don and Afton who knew Charis and of her illness in her High School years. To me? A milestone to say the least. A very poor farm boy from Wyoming, getting the most precious of all young women in the entire world.

Plans were made for the marriage in the Salt Lake Temple. I wrote this letter to my Provo Bishop:

Bishop Truman Madsen

112 Joseph Smith Building

Brigham Young University

Provo, Utah

Dear Bishop Madsen:

Charis Greenwood and I have decided against putting off our marriage any longer. We are planning to be married Sept. 22, in the Salt Lake Temple. For the summer I am working here near her home. We have talked with her Bishop and he has written her recommend. However, he will require a letter from you before he can proceed with my recommend. Last spring you wrote two recommends for me. To help you remember me: I have been an instructor in the Salt Lake Mission Home on Sundays.

Bishop Hart has furnished this envelope for you to reply.

Thank you. Sincerely,

William H. Southwell

On September 11, 1961 a bridal shower was given to Charis by Colleen Smith and Carol Wilson.

The “Open House” was (probably) held on September 16, 1961.

After this open house, we prepared to leave for Provo. I was driving my brother’s 1949 Hudson that summer. It was a big car with a “step down” design. We loaded the back seat and trunk with the presents. Still there was luggage, which I put on top of the car. I was tying it down when Don, Charis’s dad came to help. Being a boy scouter leader he knew knots. But I could sense he was shaking his head. Especially when he saw that the driver’s side door did not close and that I was tying it shut with some clothesline rope. How could he let his precious daughter go off with this poor kid in this old jalopy? But somehow he had faith that I would make it.

We drove through Sacramento, Donner Pass, Reno, and across Nevada on the US 80. Then crossing the Salt Flats region we had a tire blow out. The car swerved but I was able to bring it to the side of the road. Thankful that we were able to bring it to a stop, I then began finding the spare tire and jack. I had to unload a lot of stuff. The road had only a narrow shoulder and we couldn’t pull all the way off the road. While I was working on the tire, the right rear as I remember, a big semi-truck came barrowing down and seem like he was headed right towards us at high speed. Then he noticed our car and turned left a little to avoid hitting us. He blew his horn at us. This was a scary moment. Charis was sitting in the car. What a blessing to be on our way again.

We came into Salt Lake City and went to Elaine and Wig’s home. (Elaine was Charis’ cousin who lived with Don and Afton when Charis was little.) Charis stayed there until the wedding and I went on to Provo to get set up in our new apartment in Wymount Village. I think I had one or two days before the wedding. I drove up to Midvale to get some furniture from Charis’ grandfather, Gene Wagstaff. At the time he was living in the downstairs apartment of his home. But he had lots of furniture for us to use. I remember seeing the cooking pot he used on the stove. I know that he could not see very well. He was kind and generous to us. After I had loaded up some stuff he pulled out his wallet and gave me a $100 bill saying this is my wedding present for Charis. He told me how much he loved Charis. He said he went to his doctor, Dr. Alley, and asked him what is this lupus erythematosus? He replied that it was just a fancy way of saying they don’t know what it is. I remember the drive back to Provo. I also remember pushing and pulling the mattress up the stairs to our apartment, along with the other bits of furniture. I did it alone. It was hard, but I was establishing a home, our first home. The building was an old army barracks that had been divided into separate apartments on two floors. We had a one room unit including the kitchen. There were steam radiators which kept us warm. That was the site of our honeymoon. Charis saw it for the first time the night of our wedding. I carried her over the threshold of our first home.

{The neighbors held an event in our Apartment the night of our wedding. Somehow they got in and decorated. The short sheeted the bed. They put honey on the toilet seat. We were amused.} I think the reception was the next day at a Midvale Ward. There also was a dinner at Harmons, which was a Kentucky Fried place. Here we had another reception line, this time Charis wore her wedding dress.

The wedding was on September 22, 1961 in the Salt Lake Temple. A reception was later held in Midvale Utah.

Summer of 1961 ended with the marriage. So now is a new chapter.

Married students housing Wymount Village

We did keep a journal for some of that school year. Charis and I used the same Journal.

Dec. 31, 1961 (Bill)

We have resolved to keep a journal.

Sunday Evening at home, reading Charis’ high school papers. We are going to bed at 10:30 New Year’s Eve. It will be a good thing to begin a journal with a history of our married life thus far. We are very happy and I love Charis very much.

New Years Day Jan. 1, 1962 (Bill)

We slept until 8:00 am this will be a study day for me.

Jan. 1, 1962 (Charis)

We have spent this first day of 1962 studying (Bill) and puttering around (me). It is a beautiful day—clear and nearly warm.

Bill has a great deal to do. He hasn’t accomplished what he wanted to by any means and he is discouraged about it.

Bill and Wilma Bower came over for a while this afternoon and invited us to dinner tomorrow.

While we were in Wyoming at Bill’s Folk’s place during Christmas vacation, I copied all of the genealogy that they have. We hope to get going on collecting more names. Bill Bower gave us some good ideas on how to continue. Now I must get my own family records.

Jan. 1, 1962 (Bill)

Beverley and Ellis Miner, who live in the downstairs apartment came home tonight and brought up some more Christmas presents that came after we left. Joe Goodell sent us a lamp with three lights on it. It’s nice. We got a package from Charis’s brothers and sisters.

I started to unpack tonight and didn’t study but now there is a new pile of papers from the new boxes.

Russell Pack ( a former roommate) brought me his roommate’s radio for me to fix last Saturday. He came to get it today. I found the trouble.

Jan. 2, 1962 (Bill)

I spent most of this morning packing Rollin’s stuff and shipping it to him. Phil, his old roommate helped.

Tonight we played scrabble with the Bill Bowers in Orem after a rabbit dinner. They took us out there.

School starts tomorrow and I didn’t get all my studying done. I had figured at the first that by studying a lot this Christmas vacation, I could have a chance to get good grades. Now I don’t know.

Jan. 3, 1962 (Charis)

I must do my share to keeping up our journal. Bill is so faithful I leave it to him. I am still studying Church History in order to write my play “Emma.” I hope to finish it this year. We are trying to decide whether I should go to school next semester. I really want to finish. When it comes down to it, though, I enjoy having spare time and being the master of it. This may be my best chance, though, and I’m sure it would be worth it.

It is past our 10:30 bed time, and so I’ll run and brush my teeth.

January 3, 1962 (Bill)

Work again is piled upon me. I’ve a history test Friday, an Electricity and Magnetism assignment and a Solid State assignment also due on Friday. I’ve felt tired and somewhat discouraged today, however, I am beginning to formulate my plans for the last 3 full weeks left in this semester. This is a Big Challenge. Charis exhibits faith by not letting us consider the offers (others are receiving as much as $7000 a year) of industry to hire us from grad school.

I guess I’m discouraged because I did not study this vacation as I had planned. At school, some have really studied up, others haven’t.

Somehow, I feel good about learning and studying. It’s colder, more in the dead of winter. I think better.

Jan. 5, 1962 (Charis)

This morning as I opened a drawer I knocked Bill’s brief case against my leg and cut it open. I had to have him called out of class just before his History test—so he missed it (his test). We went to a Dr. Wallace that Donna Richards recommended. He sewed my leg up—4 or 5 stitches and I’m fine. This is the third accident of this type I’ve had, the first in June 1960, the second last June or July, and now. The last one is just finally all healed up. Oh Well! I feel awfully angry when this happens—but have no pain or discomfort to speak of.

Bill was just informed that his wife had been injured and it scared him to death. He ran all the way home.

I guess now I’ll have lots of time to spend on my Thank you notes—as I will spend most of the week end with my foot up.

Jan. 5, 1962 (Bill)

I took the History test this afternoon and got 31 out of 32 on it, so I wasn’t hurt there.

Jan. 6, 1962 (Charis)

Bill woke me at 8:30 with breakfast in bed. The sweet thing. He has taken over meals and dishes to keep me off my leg. After breakfast I went back to sleep and had a funny dream. Bill said I should write it down.

We were staying with Bill’s folks. They lived in a large elegant modern home. Everyone was rushing around worried about something—but no one had time to tell me what was going on. Suddenly glamorous people began arriving –mink stoles, evening cloths—I was dressed in dirty old clothes and had my hair in a terrible pony tail. I finally discovered that everyone was worried about a big party. I ran to my room and tried to find something to wear. Everything needed ironing and the ironing board was beyond the room of guests. People began to wander in to the room (women) commenting on things—asking me what I was doing. I finally changed into something and brushed my hair out straight and put my little hair band on.

A glamorous woman in a dark green evening dress came in. She sat down and began to talk. “Really I used to be tiny like you__” (she was well padded now.) “I’ve got piles of clothes that I can’t wear. Why don’t you come over to my house sometime and see if there’s anything you can use?

The next thing I knew we were in her house. She led me to a glamorous bed room lined with walk-in closets and full lengths mirrors. She handed me one high fashion thing after another—mostly strapless or sleeveless so I couldn’t wear them. Finally she brought out a deep purple velveteen dress with fur all around the skirt. Actually it was really funny but I was impressed. It was just a little large and would have to be taken in. I don’t know where I’d ever have worn it, but I liked it. I was modeling before the mirror and suddenly Bill came in—“More junk!” he said. And I woke up. – We have so much stuff now we have no idea how we are going to be able to move.

Jan. 6, 1962 (Bill)

I got my E & M done for Monday (with the help of Ellis Miner). I looked at Quantum but I don’t know how to do them. I packed the laundry last night & today the groceries.

Jan. 8, 1962 (Bill)

Monday morning. After a wonderful Family day and evening, we went to bed early and had a bad night. It seemed stuffy and I guess humid from the rain. We seemed very hot. We have been deciding whether to work in Feb. or school or if Charis should go to school. We getting low on $, or will be in June.

We quick-like decided and went to a Campus Movie, “The Moon and Sixpence.” We enjoyed it.

Jan. 10, 1962 (Charis)

I have a busy day facing me tomorrow. Glena Walker is ill and so I’m doing the ward paper this week. It is quite a job. Tonight was Relief Society and I really enjoyed it. After the lesson a sister Loveless gave a darling demonstration on gift ideas.

Big clowns, pixies, pen cushions, mouse dolls, humpty dumpty, a Cute worm, all kinds of pillows and planters etc. It gave me a lot of good ideas if I can just remember them all.

I think I’ll check my list.

I’m feeling fine, except for a little rheumatism.

January 10, 1962 (Bill)

I’ve been working on an application for a National Defense Education Act Fellowships. BYU has been allotted 3 of them and they pay over $2000 for 3 years (more each year). I get excited when I read it and answer it. I have Jim Dudley’s typewriter and (I put a new ribbon in it) am carefully figuring what I shall say. I ordered a transcript for it today.

I studied downstairs with Ellis tonight while Charis went to Relief Society.

Jan. 12, 1962 (Charis)

I have had a busy few days. The ward paper was really a job. I finished it about noon after working steadily all morning and all day yesterday.

This afternoon we went to the laundry & Grocery store with the Miners. I went over the budget again.

We came home, had supper and have spent the evening profitably. I straightened the cupboards in the kitchen and read several chapters of the B. of M. I’m nearly through Alma.

Jan. 12, 1962 (Bill)

I handed in a transcript for the National Defense Scholarship today and she gave me the results of my Graduate Record Exam.

Exam # 804351 Institution 40191

APTITUDE TEST

VERBAL QUANTITATIVE

SCORE PERCENT SCORE PERCENT

480 47 700 97

ADVANCED TEST (PHYSICS)

CODE SCORE PERCENT

77 570 59

Where percent is defined as the percent of those who took the test who scored lower.

Again the vocabulary words hurt me. I took this text Nov. 11, 1961 or there-abouts.

I accomplished a lot tonight. I’ve much to do for finals.

Also I found out I rank 6^th out of 29 in the senior class in physics.

6/29 top 21%

Jan. 14, 1962 (Charis)

We had the Bowers over for dinner today and after dinner they took us over to their place to see BYU on “College Bowl” on TV. BYU won again. This is the 3^rd time.

I have had rheumatism tonight and have had for several days. I hope it clears up soon. Bill is very sweet and does a lot to help me when I have trouble. I surely appreciate him. Right now he is doing the dishes while I lie down.

It snowed yesterday & the night before and tonight it is bitter cold. I had kind of thought winter was over but I guess not.

I’ve been asked to give the flannel board story in Church in 2 weeks. I’ll have to get busy and prepare.

I got a notice that 2 of my poems have been accepted by Wye Magazine.

Tomorrow I go to get my stitches out.

(Bill) Information for finishing book shelves. Given by Bill Bower.

First sand it. Then first stain ½ pint dark oak ? maghogany (velvet stain).

Then filler—then sand with grain or across grain. Then apply clear Stain finish. A rag, Bon Aimee, and water.

Jan. 16, 1962 (Charis)

I have relaxed after the tension of last week. Today, instead of yesterday, I went to get my stitches out. It all took except for an area at the top of the wound about this big O.

I baked English Muffins today. It was a lot of jun and they turned out about like “Foster’s.”

This evening I read more in “Nauvoo The Beautiful” and about 1/3 of “Family Kingdom.”

I have more of a rash than usual on my face tonight and feel discouraged. My rheumatism has been much better. I intend to write to Dr. Lee and find out what to do next. I am anxious to get off my pills.

Bill and I figured our financial assets over several times tonight and finally decided that I can go to school. We will end up with $35 in June, but somehow something will turn up. We have been very blessed.

Jan. 17, 1962 (Bill)

Last night Charis was upset. I feel quite helpless when she cries in the night. But today she feels much better and is in better spirits. We went to the campus movie and saw The Great Cruso.

I finally went in to see Dr. Van Fleet and asked him to send a letter to support my National Defense Education Scholarship.

Final Schedules are out.

I studied tonight with Ellis while Beverly and Charis went to Relief Society.

I still a have quite a lot of work to do before I can start studying finals.

Jan. 18, 1962 (Charis)

I am more cheerful.

Jan. 19, 1962 (Charis)

I got caught by “lights out” last night. It is really snowy and slick out.

I’ve been house cleaning and am nearly finished. We find that we will be able to live here next year.

I went through several days of discouragement this week. I get thinking too much about my health and taking drugs all the time, but I feel much better now. I know that having faith and keeping my spirits up is a big part of keeping well. –Back to work.

Jan. 21, 1962 (Charis)

It has really been snowing!

The Longwells came to dinner. They have left now to go to conference. Bill just left for Stake Priesthood Meeting. The dishes are still on the table and I see quite a job before me to get them done.

We don’t have a TV and we wish we could see College Bowl this afternoon. We saw it last week and really enjoyed it.

Outside the ground is really covered with snow—including the side walls. The sun is shining brightly but it is bitter cold. We have a lot of fun growing pet icicles. A big one is growing out our front windows.

I’ve been pretty good, but I’m bushed now. I spent most of yesterday getting ready for today—making rolls and a pie.

I’m going to get started on the dishes before Bill gets home.

Jan. 25, 1962 (Charis)

I pre-register this afternoon.

This morning I am not feeling too peachy and will sit in bed awhile and do things before I get up and face breakfast dishes.

Bill is swamped. He’s goal is straight A’s and he’s really working.

We’ve had sub-zero weather.

10 P.M.—I am studying English and French like crazy. I have to take the Jr. English Proficiency Exam this semester and I’m skipping a whole semester of French so I will have to study hard.

I pre-registered this afternoon. I will take: Writing, English Lit. 375, American Renaissance, French 301, Genealogy, and Essentials of Nutrition. It only comes to 14 hours, since writing will not be for credit, but it is going to be a rough load.

Bill and Ellis Miner are doing a lab report and having lots of fun for some reason or other. It’s going to be hard for me to get used to studying. My eyes are really tired after a few hours of reading.

I hope I’m going to be able to keep up.

Feb. 11, 1962 (Bill)

We finally got through final week. I had a test a day for 4 days. I got 39 on my Quantum which was a little below average and I got a B in the class. 77 on Solid State which was to my surprise was high in the class. I worried about that because I was the grader for the class and should have done well. We won’t receive our history finals back—I didn’t study much for it. He gave us 5 essay questions knowing that one be on the final. I guessed he ask about the constitution. He did.

142/200 on E. & M. and a B in the class. I’m ashamed but the first test was a quite low 33 and only one other test. Both it and the final I believe I did well on.

But after the last final we baby sat for the Sumpters and Charis taught Primary. And I was exhausted. The next day we started cleaning out our closets, Leland Harper called and we went to the Denver game with him. The next day I packed the laundry down to the Laundromat and we went shopping at Carson’s and went to Salt Lake City with the Bill Bowers, played scrabble with them in the evening.

Charis registered Tuesday, I on Monday, and we have had 3 days of school already. Dr. Gardner considers me a graduate student now but so far I have received no raise I pay. He advised me to take research 697 and work with someone. He advised dropping auditing French and Genealogy. He is right I believe, and I will also drop Vocabulary Building. Charis has quite a load.

I’ve got Quantum again, Optics (with lab) and Math 435, Intermediate Differential Equations.

Interview with Ames Research Center at Moffett Field has been postponed until next Thursday. Things don’t look as bright there now as I’ve learned that they are only taking prospective summer employees together at 4:00 o’clock. A summer job is still a problem.

Charis’ doctor bill was only $14 for her cut leg. But we figured that by June 1, we’ll be $12 short. But we decided for Charis to go to school anyway. Extra things have been coming up. $6 Charis’s health insurance, and other stuff.

We went to the temple Saturday with Vern Bean. We enjoyed it and were very glad we went.

The Hudson vapor locked Friday night. The new $6.95 Sears battery really cranked a long time. It started the next day when Vern and I went down to tow it. I put antifreeze in so it wouldn’t get hot again with no water. We need a new fuel pump, but it runs fine.

Charis was asked to be a primary teacher. Bro. Gilchrist and someone from the primary were here today to talk to her. They will release her from her ward paper job and Sunday School Secretary job. She was happy. She cried. I really love her.

She gave a wonderful flannel board story tonight in Sacrament Meeting tonight. It was about Christ’s visit to America. I learned a lot from it. The kids all came down to the front row to see it. They even sat on the floor in front of the first row to see.

We made a book shelf for $2. 2-5 foot #C (or 3) grade boards and 12 bricks. It works fine. The closet is cleaned out, and all our notes are in folders and they look quite nice.

This morning in Priesthood they discussed free agency. I asked, “Can we conceive of the state without free agency?” Craig Rutlege thought yes, children. I don’t know.

Feb. 11, 1962 (Charis)

Bill and I have really neglected our Journal and now we must make up for it.

In spite of much worry and trouble we accomplished quite a bit between semesters. We got the car fixed (bought a new battery) and cleaned out our closet. We got all our college notes sorted and classified.

We added up our accounts again. Before, we had forgotten some necessary items such as laundry. As it came out we couldn’t make it if I go to school. But I registered anyway. I’m taking 17 hours and have a lot of difficult classes, but I like my teachers and so it won’t be too bad.

I have substituted in Primary for 2 weeks but last time I had to tell them I couldn’t do it anymore. Thursday, Primary Day, is the day for Newspaper & S. S. Enlistment. Also most of my classes are on Tues & Thurs. It really made me feel terrible to tell them because I love Primary so—but I did. Today they came and asked me to teach permanently instead of my other jobs. I’ll be released from them. I was so thrilled that after Brother Gilchrist left—I just burst into tears.

Bill may be able to do research this semester. I’m also thrilled about that. We went to the temple yesterday with Vern Bean and his wife. We left at 6 AM and arrived in time for the early morning session. It was really wonderful. I learned a lot. We got home about 12:30.

I took a sea-sick pill before we left, since I get car sick, but it didn’t take effect until after the session started. I was so sleepy I could hardly keep awake and so weak I felt as if I had no strength. The drug has a very relaxing effect.

We have had a nice Sunday. I gave a flannel board story in Sacrament Meeting tonight. It was the story of Jesus coming to the Nephites.

My Father has been in the hospital suffering a great deal of pain from what seems to be a whip lash. He has been in traction. We’ve really been concerned about him.

I have a class with Nolyn Mitchell. It is good to see her again. She hasn’t changed since last year.

Also I had an interesting session with Carol Lynn Wright. She is in Dr. Larson’s writing class. I wanted to see him after class about credit for the course and he ushered us both into his office. After taking care of my business he proceeded to criticize one of her poems, using me, as it were, to shake her over-confidence. He certainly succeeded. He introduced me very impressingly and proceeded to consult me in a very authoritative way. She was quite upset by the time he finished, but I think perhaps it has paved the way for a friendship between Carol Lynn and me, rather than a rivalry.

It is nearly time for fireside. I will end my account.

March 1, 1962 (Bill)

I wish I had time to record now all the events of today. Small things—and many feelings. I had a Quantum test this morning at 8. We got up at six. I was better prepared for it than ever before. I studied all last week end—I know about all of it. Although I missed a small part of the first one that made me miss the second one completely. This discouraged me. I went to Math 435. Jim Dudly came in and gave Ed Millet a note. Wayne Decker came in and said there were a couple of notes for me at our cubical. I went to get them.

March 10, 1962 (Bill)

They said to see Dean Lloyd or Shirley at the graduate scholarship office. I came home to put on my suit and made an appointment to see him. He said that I was nominated to receive a National Defense Education Scholarship. Nothing certain, but usually just one more routine step. It pays well.

Charis was also thrilled. We went to a show. Alex Guinness The Lady Killers. Since then I received a letter confirming my interview and saying I will be notified March 20 if successful. We are afraid to tell anyone. Charis really wants to tell her folks—so do I.

Wye Magazine is out. Charis has a couple of poems in it.

But right now she is in the Health Center. Flu. She got sick this afternoon after eating some fresh-soggy brownies (also fresh rhubarb for breakfast).

Last week she had an examination by Dr. Nimer and a week later we listened to the results. Good. So she started reducing her medicine. Dr. Phillips tonight said her flu wasn’t a direct cause of reducing the medicine. This is our first night apart since our marriage. I miss her. I love her very much. I called Craig Rutledge and we administered to her before calling the Doctor.

March 18, 1962 (Charis)

Tonight I was given a setting apart blessing for teaching in Primary. Bishop Roulen Craven gave it to me. He admonished me to study my lesson and to be creative in my visual aids etc. He asked the Lord to bless me with creativity. He also admonished me to be humble in my calling. He blessed me that as long as I would carry out my callings in the church the Lord would bless me. He asked the Lord to bless me with health and strength of body and of mind. He blessed me with the love and patience of my husband. He told me to remember that I would be an example to the children in everything I did. He blessed me with all other blessings I might have need of. It was a lovely blessing and I’m very thankful for it.

I was in the health center from Saturday night to Thursday afternoon with a case of stomach flu or virus. I’m better but still quite weak. Bill received final word on his scholarship and has accepted it. We are very thrilled.

March 19, 1962 (Bill)

Charis came home on Thursday and is still weak but slowing gaining strength. But last Friday morning, I didn’t feel like studying and was in bed or just reading all morning. Then I went to get the mail. And there was an air mail letter from the Dept. of Education saying that I was offered a 3 year Fellowship for study in Physics at BYU. We will get $2400 next year. I don’t know if it has really hit us yet.

I have always dreaded or disliked working while going to school. This will mean I can get my PhD without working—in fact I can’t except for one of the 3 years. We each wrote to our parents tonight. I know they will be happy.

We certainly are. I haven’t been doing much studying lately. Charis still isn’t back on full school load yet. She may drop some of her classes.

March 25, 1962 SUNDAY (Bill)

This morning I taught the Sunday School. They haven’t appointed another substitute yet. It was on honesty. I had Bro. Clark give a report on “what is truth?” and Bro. Good on “the Honor Code.”

Ellis Minor received a National Science foundation Corporative Fellowship $2400 for next year. BYU got 3 of those plus 3 of National Defense Education Act.

Chuck Chan bill was for $15 and not 50. He just had a hard time saying it. We paid him.

 

END OF JOURNAL WHS-CS DEC1961-MAR1962

Living in Wymount Village was a wonderful experience. It was a Zion-society experience. The Bishop was Rulon Craven, who later became a General Authority. One of his counselors (I think) was Rex C. Reeve. He and his wife Barbara were later in Rapid City as Mission President of the Northern Indian Mission. Another member of the Ward was Eldon Forte, BYU’s quarterback of a previous season. I took some home movies of an alumuni-BYU football game in May as I remember there was snow. He drove a Volkswagen beetle. Once when Charis was crossing the street Eldon Forte came to a stop just as the front bumper hit Charis’ legs. She was not knocked down. As I remember she was bruised. He was apologetic.

{Trying to remember: Warren ? and Jeneen Sumpter} They were friendly and frugal. They would not put a letter in a street mail box on a Sunday because it would require someone to work. But she went into a depression state, where she was not responsive. I think he asked me to assist in administering to her. But I was there when a doctor came. He looked at her then asked her husband and me to leave while he tried to revive her. She was fine days later.

 

Summer 1962

I secured a summer job at Ames Research Center (NASA) at Moffett Field near Mountain View California. This was great. It was near Charis’ family and paid well. It also was my first job as a physicist. I remember driving on US80 across Nevada. I remember staying the night somewhere near Reno.

We rented an apartment in Mountain View on Camille Court, but I don’t remember it. We spent a lot of time at Don and Afton’s on Deodara Dr. in Los Altos. I worked in the Optics Branch. I did some work on developing a spectrometer that would measure the molecular spectra of planetary atmospheres using a pinhole camera and a diffraction gating concept. I believe my boss was named Jake. Everyone liked him. Two others were interested in planetary atmospheres. They were looking at optical instruments that would be launched from a rocket to above the earth’s atmosphere. Another very smart man played bridge with others in the room where my desk was (along with four other desks), not cubicles. Watching them every day at lunch time, I learned how to play bridge. This smart man would never clean the dust from his glasses. When asked he said it only reduces the signal slightly and cleaning would scratch them. He was a very smart bridge player. There were two LDS men who worked there. One was a single man. Rather odd. He would go outside and look at the sky just so that UV would enter his eyes for health reasons. He would take his paychecks and let them pile up in his desk. He didn’t need the money. Then there was Rick Roberts, who was an infrared specialist. He was all around good guy. He and his wife had 8 children, the youngest born blind. He was very conservative. Would buy a case of toilet paper to get a good price. One day Rick and this single LDS guy arm wrestled from a sitting position on the corner of my large desk. Both are lean and muscular. Then I heard a loud pop. The single man broke his arm, with a spiral fracture. He had to have surgery. He wore a large cast for many weeks after that. Although he took supplements, I don’t know how strong his bones were.

In the Summer of 1962 while in California and while Charis was under the care of the Stanford Medical Center, Dr. Lee and Dr. Holman suggested that Charis be given a new drug treatment, Nitrogen Mustard. It was a strong drug and had to be administered intravenously over a period of several days in the hospital.

Aug. 4, 1962 (Bill)

On July 4, 1962, Charis called Dr. Lee since he had examined her previously and had some lab tests done. He recommended that they give her a treatment of Nitrogen Mustard, a drug used for leukemia. They wanted her her to go into the hospital to watch her and to take more tests. He said, “Can you come in a couple of days?” (Charis had called him from her folk’s home and I listened in on an extension.) He said that he would try to make arrangements to get her in. we then discussed it. At that point we did not have enough to get her out of the hospital since we understood from her mother that it could be about $40/day. (Actually is was $26/day.) I didn’t know what to do. I suggested waiting a week until I get my next check, but Charis wanted to get it started (the treatment). Since they would have to watch it all summer. She would rather accept the offer of a loan from her folks.

In fact, her dad even wanted to pay for it. But when we called Dr. Lee again, he had made arrangements for 10 days later, which worked out just perfectly for me. She would enter the hospital on Sunday July 15 and be there for 2 to 4 days. I would be paid $200 on Wednesday July 18. I feel the Lord’s hand in watching out for us. We feel he has helped us get this Summer job here—possibly so we could receive this treatment—which should result in taking Charis off her pills.

The week and a half wait were quite hard on Charis, however. We were told very little. We didn’t know how this stuff was given or its effects. I had Charis call Dr. Lee again to determine just what risk was involved if any. Also, so did Afton, her mother. She called Dr. Lee and Dr. Holman and they both told Charis and her mother that there shouldn’t be much to worry about. “However, there is always some risk involved in taking anything.”

Charis also asked Dr. Lee to make things efficient to save time and thereby money. Her mother made them to understand that we were paying for it and that we had no insurance. Later, she said to me, “I hope you don’t object to what I did. Charis is my daughter and I am concerned about her.” I didn’t mind.

The hospital was not a good experience. She was assigned in a “teaching” basis, which gives young Standford Medical Doctors 24 hours free run on examinations, questions, and such. We didn’t know this. None of these young guys knew much about Charis’ type of condition. A young Dr. Durfin was in charge of Charis. He had black curly hair and a sleeply-eyed “bored with it all—I can’t wait to get out and make money” look. Actually he was able to take blood and to insert the needle very skillfully. A Dr. Moore seemed sharp, nice, interested in Utah, faith in god. Dr. Sharp, large, was on rounds with Dr. Holman along with a long-haired “punk” kid (doctor) with his hands in his hip pockets.

Well, they lost her orders. She got a headache but they would not give her an aspirin. They failed to start a test which caused another day’s delay, and a dying old woman was in the bed next to her (Mrs. O’Conner). Charis got mad, cried, then told them off. Her eyes swelled up. The treatment was delayed another day because they fouled up. I called Dr. Lee. He reassured me that he alone was “in charge.” I said no one else knew what was going on. Dr. Lee is always optimistic, speaks always with superlatives, “excellent,” “quite good,” “very fine”. . .They gave Charis two treatments with salt water in the vein. When she was released she had a touchy stomach for 10 days. Total cost was $222 for 4 days. Many tests were taken.

 

September 1962 to September 1963

(Hard bound journal p.3) (Charis)

In September when we were getting ready to go back to BYU, Dr. Holman recommended that we stay (in California) for a year of medical treatment (for me) if possible. (With Dr. Phillip Lee’s assistance. He told us he has friends in Washington.) We wrote to the Dept. of Health, Education, and Welfare and also to BYU and got Bill’s fellowship postponed for a year. We also moved from Camille Ct. in Mt. View to 451 E. McKinley in Sunnyvale. Here we live in a small cottage in back of some houses. Our little house is really tiny but it is quiet and nice here and we really like it.

In the Fall I began taking huge doses, 60 mg per day, of prednisone. I began to retain fluid—my ankles and legs swelled horribly and I was terribly uncomfortable. Nevertheless, my kidneys began to improve. Then in December I developed steroid diabetes and also a leg infection so they cut me off the very high doses. Something caused a severe anemia at this time and I went to the hospital just before Christmas. Here I began to lose fluid until I was down to about 85 lbs. (from about 112).

I had a fever and they tried to find a source of infection, but by the time they gave up and decided to treat me I was better on my own, or rather with the Lord’s blessings.

By now my diabetes has disappeared. My kidneys have improved a little, I have gained back the muscular strength that I lost while taking high doses. And I am feeling better in general. Dr. Lee feels that it is possible I am going into remission. This week Dr. Lee is going to Washington D. c. to work for the State Department in the foreign aid medical program. I will be seeing Dr. John Young. I’m sorry to see Dr. Lee go. We really got to like him.

All of the time that I was sick, Bill was just wonderful. I got awfully weak and crippled from all the fluid. He really took care of me—fixing all my meals, etc. Furthermore, he always kept optimistic, even when I was determined that I was going to die. I’m sure that it was through his faith and the faith of the rest of my family that I was made so much better.

It is like spring now. The weather is sunny and beautiful. Bill filled a tub full of dirt for me and I have planted pansies and sweet peas.

Donald is on his mission in Scotland and he seems to be doing just fine. He really loves his area and his work.

Bob is in the hospital with multiple lung infections and pneumonia. The poor boy has been sick most of the winter. It looks like they are really working on the right thing now, however, and he is improving.

The rest of the family is in good health as far as I know.

We have had some fine experiences in genealogy this Winter. Last September we called on Mr. Frank Haskins Ricker in Berkley, a cousin of Bill’s grandmother Miriam Grimes Southwell. He had made a hobby of genealogy and was able to give us information on the Haskins line clear back to the 1500’s. Since then we have formed a fine friendship with him and his wife Lora. They are about 90 years old. He has really helped us. Also a Mrs. Lela Kerr up in Napa is Bill’s grandmother’s half-sister and she was able to help us also. It has really gotten Bill interested in the work and we really enjoy it.

We have also made a hobby of photography. Dad and Mom gave us a camera for Christmas and we have had a lot of fun.

Bill is still working for the Government—National Aeronautics and Space Administration out at Ames Research at Moffett Field. He likes his work. Also we have been able to get a wonderful health insurance that has faithfully paid a great share of my medical expenses. I don’t know what we would have done without it.

This has been a catch-up entry. We have been very blessed the3se past months, and are very happy. (end of entry)

My summer job was coming to an end. I asked them if I could continue for another year. It was approved. Even better I changed to a full-time employee with an increase in rank (level, GS-07 from 05 maybe). This also meant that I got full benefits including medical for me and my family.

We moved from the apartment to a small cottage behind some houses at 425 E. McKinley in Sunnyvale. It was furnished, old, and small. You could sit on the small couch and turn on the TV across the room without getting up. There was a small kitchen, bathroom, and bedroom with a high bed. There was a neighbor who only spoke Spanish who helped Charis with her flower pot gardening.

In the Fall of 1962 she began huge doses of prednisone, 60 mg per day. This caused fluid retention. Her face, ankles and legs swelled horribly. It was so bad that one day when I was at work she fell or for some reason was on the floor and could not get up. She crawled to the bed but could not get up into it. She developed steroid diabetes and also a leg infection. She also developed severe anemia. She was hospitalized just before Christmas 1963.

I remember the Stanford Hospital in Palo Alto, where she was earlier for the Nitrogen-Mustard treatment. They told me the regular diuretics were not working and they needed to get the fluid out quickly. They used, as I remember, a mercury treatment. Of course, that is a poison, but it worked. She quickly went from about 112 lbs to 84 lbs. But there were other complications. She got a fever and they could not find the source of infection. As I remember this was also a teaching hospital situation. Many doctors came to question her and to examine her. Her fever finally went away. As she was being released they put her in a wheel chair. As they did so she got a cut on her leg from the folded-foot rest. This was serious because such wounds do not heal well. She had to have stitches. I was upset at this. They had mistreated her. They did not understand her delicate condition. I know it was just orderlies, but I felt the hospital was responsible. I mentioned this to them. They deducted the costs associated with the stitches and treatment. Although it did not matter financially since we had good insurance by then. This was an unpleasant hospital stay for Charis.

Over the next month or two her strength came back somewhat, her diabetes disappeared and her kidneys improved a little. In his typical optimistic fashion, Dr. Lee said he feels that her Lupus is going into remission. I asked him once what Sed Rate and BUN tests were. His reply was, “They are just tests we take so that when they come down we know things are getting better.” He was good for Charis’ spirits. In March 1963 Dr. Lee left Stanford Hospital to take a position in for the State Department in the Foreign Aid Medical Program. Charis’ medical care was turned over to Dr. John Young, who is a kidney specialist. Dr. Young was sterner, more down to business. Every time we visited him he would examine urine under a microscope.

Charis developed a new interest, genealogy and family history. She felt impressed to collect as much information as possible on my ancestry. All I know was my own grandparents. I do not remember how we got this information, but there was a cousin of my grandmother Miriam Southwell who lived in Berkeley, California. In September 1962, we visited them, Frank Haskins Ricker and his wife Lora. I remember driving up to Berkeley to find their address. It was in a nice part of town. They were elderly and very happy to meet us. He was dressed in a jacket and tie. As we questioned him on common ancestry, he said, “Wait a minute.” He went upstairs and came down with a large, taped-together sheet showing a pedigree that went back to the 1500’s. It turns out he had made a hobby of genealogy and had collected significant amounts of information. What a blessing. We became good friends and made other visits to their home. Every time he was always dressed up. His wife was such a sweet and loyal support to him. Once they took us to lunch at a very nice place and she drove. They were long retired after a successful career in a plumbing company. As I remember, he had invented a type of valve which enabled a successful company and a comfortable living. We also met his younger brother, Charles Ricker, who was still active in commercial real estate and quite successful himself. I think at first he was aloof to us, thinking perhaps we were after some inheritance from Frank. But after becoming acquainted he became a good friend and supporter. It was Charles who informed us of Frank’s death and two weeks later of Lora’s death. I remember thinking at the time that because of her loyalty to her husband she could not continue long without him. We received a great many names and pictures from Frank Haskins Ricker which has formed the basis of my genealogy.

From this information Charis began a letter-writing campaign to locate all of the descendants of Frank’s grandfather, Caleb Almon Haskins. She also wrote for birth, marriage, and death certificates. When we received those we would share them with the requests for further information from other relatives. We became acquainted with many unknown relatives of mine. In the summer of 1964 the information collected was typed up as (a 38 page document) which was mimeographed and sent to all interested parties. Later when we drove through Iowa, we found the grave of Caleb Almon Haskins. It had writing on it, but was worn down and difficult to read. We took a picture of it and sent it to Charles Ricker. He then had a new big headstone made and installed for Caleb Almon Haskins.

During this year I took up the interest of photography and was tutored by Don Greenwood, Charis’ dad. We set up a dark room in the bathroom of the guest bedroom and developed black and white negatives and printed them. There were lots of genealogy pictures that I printed. Don and Afton gave us a Richo half frame camera. I enjoyed taking candid pictures–scenes and people who were unaware of their pictures being taken. I experimented with PlusX and TriX and other black and white film to see how well I could get a picture in low light environments without flash. I also liked to see how well the resolution was on enlargements.

Don and Afton were very good to us. It was a blessing to be near them for this year. Two events stand out. They took us once to San Francisco to see Arthur Fiedler and the Boston Pops. They played some Beetles songs, like “I want to hold your hand.” This had to be when they were still very new to America. Another event was going to Palo Alto to see the movie, “The Music Man.” How we enjoyed that.

I have some pictures taken while Charis and I were in the ticket line to see Ante Mame, also at Palo Alto.

I remember an event put on by Charis and Afton called Special Husbands and Father’s Day. I think it was a way to include me in a Father’s day celebration, but it was nice.

Before leaving to return to BYU, I came down with shingles. It was indeed a painful nerve disease. I received a shot of ACTH and pain pills that made me see double and hear double. We were taken in by Charis’ parents and I was nursed and cared for at their house. There were scars on my neck when I registered for BYU that fall. The Doctor at the Smith Field House registration asked me about it. I told him what it was and how I was treated. He said that was the right thing to do, but thought it strange that I should get it at such a young age. I have never been bothered with it since.

 

Fall 1963

With Charis’ health sufficiently good, we drove back to Utah. We rented half of a duplex at 376 E 1010 S in Orem, Utah. The other half was occupied by Bill and Wilma Bower. They are mentioned earlier when we lived in Wymount Village. When we left for California for the summer of 1962, we had paid our rent over the summer so that we might return there. During that summer my parents lived there and took some classes on campus. Dad took some math classes and Mon took Braille so she might better communicate with DD. It was no longer an option for us when we returned in the fall of 1963 because it was torn down to make room for the new BYU Law School building. Actually where our building was is now the Wilkinson Student Center parking lot. We were put on a waiting list for the new Wymount Terrace for June 1964. Actually, I met the Bowers in 1959 while tracting on my mission. They lived in a remote area near Mountain View. It had started to rain and my companion said “let’s go”. But I said, just one more house. (This is a classic story, I know, but it is true.) There we met Wilma Bower, gave her the initial message and left her with a Book of Mormon. When we returned to meet her husband he had already started reading it and had some questions for us. One of them was Lehi’s dream where is said he thought he saw God. Wouldn’t he know if he saw God? They were later baptized and when he got out of the Navy they went to BYU.

Charis’ doctor in Provo was Dr. Richard Nimer. We met him at the BYU Health Center, but he also had a private practice. Charis took one class that fall.

We drove to the farm for Christmas 1963 with the Buick. That was when we tied the hood to the top of the car to avoid overheating from a cracked block and made it to the farm.

January 3, 1964 (Bill)

We visited my folks for Christmas and drove back to Orem on December 31, 1963. We cleaned house on January 1, 1964 after sleeping in the new year. When we arrived we found a lot of good mail. Also, that night the Sunday School Superintendent and a member of the Bishopric came with new assignments for each of us. Charis will teach 12 year olds “The Life of Christ.” They want me to teach the investigator class, The Articles of Faith.

I didn’t get to study this vacation as I had hoped. I have proficiency exams to take in February and I am unprepared. Until then I must make the most efficient use of my time. I will make my study more effective and faster. I have many books to cover before then.

Last night, a member of the Elder’s Quorum Presidency came by with by home teaching assignment. I wanted to not accept the call, but Charis thought I should accept. So I did.

January 17, 1964 (Charis)

We are spending as evening at home. Bill, as usual, is studying. We have just finished listening to George Romney speak on the radio. I hope his speech accurately reflects his personal integrity. It is reassuring to think that someone in politics is willing to stick up for right principles. His speech was direct and to the point. I think what he said made real sense.

My family is preparing to move to Pittsburgh, PA this summer. Dad is already back there and her plans to shuttle back and forth until the family goes. They made the decision to go reluctantly, but it was a matter of going or leaving U. S. Steel. I think they felt that they have to at least give it a try.

We are living in a lovely apartment, 376 E. 1010 So., Orem. It is larger than any we have had so far. In the two years of our marriage we have lived in four apartments and we are planning on moving into married students housing—Wymount Terrace—in June.

I have taken one class this semester and so far I plan on taking at least one next semester. Bill is kept very busy with his graduate work and he has proficiency tests coming up next month.

We share a duplex with the Bill Bower’s. They have proved to be wonderful neighbors and Wilma and I have become real friends. They have two little boys—the youngest was born in November.

My health seems to have ups and downs, but nothing serious. I haven’t had any tests for quite a while so it is hard to compare. I am seeing Dr. Richard Nimer here in Provo and I think he is a good doctor.

We are busy in the ward here. Bill teaches the investigator class and I teach the Life of Christ to the 11 & 12 year old class. They are a wild bunch and this is a real challenge. So far it has been a real battle. I hope the next couple of weeks will show much improvement.

We are having a cold winter with plenty of snow. It was way below zero last week and today was the first day for 2 weeks that the Salt Lake Temp. rose above 32 degrees.

We went home to Bill’s folks for Christmas and had a wonderful time. The weather wasn‘t bad and we took a couple of long walks around the farm. It was bigger than I thought. We also enjoyed the lovely fireplace. Jane’s girls were there after Christmas as Jane was in the hospital for surgery. We got a letter yesterday and she if just now feeling better.

We had an exciting time on our way to Wyoming. Our radiator boiled outside of Lyman, Wyoming and we had to stat filling it up. At one point we ran out of water out in the middle of nowhere and we had to get some at a house at a construction camp. We made it to Rawlings about 4:30 and the service station man said it looked like a cracked head. It was too late to see a mechanic that night so we stayed there in a motel and went to see him in the morning. He said that it looked like that all right, but that if we loaded up with water we could probably make it. So, because we hated thoughts of parting with the Buick, we bought a 5 gal. can, filled it up and set out. We had to stop and cool off every 5 miles. – Then Bill got the idea of taking off the hood and tying it on top. So we did and we made it the rest of the way fine—with an air cooled engine. We got the car fixed while we were there—compliments of Bill’s Dad. It was fine on the way home.

February 5, 1964 (Bill)

This was the first day of second semester. Today at 12:30 Dr. Richard Hales died. He was my Dynamics teacher last semester. Dr. Van Fleet was affected—as was everyone. There was a feeling of sadness in Physics circles today. They said last Sunday they learned he had leukemia. He was an inspiration to me in physics. He could reproduce the theory and develop things from “first principles”. He would do this rather than memorize even simple formulas.

I was restless all day—unable to study.

When Charis and I came back to school, he met us at the “fish bowl” in the Science Center and gave me advised on how I should arrange my classes. It was good counsel. I followed it and changed my previous plans. (This enabled me to complete my Ph.D. in three years.) I was highest on tests in his class and a close second in homework. Before the final last week I went in to pick up my last assignment. He noted how well I was doing and stated again “Glad to have you back.” I have at least half of the entire class on tape—maybe his family would like them. He has small children. (I gave the best tapes to his father Wayne B. Hales, the Department Chairman.)

Charis is taking a full load including Physics 100, an honors program class. We saw a movie tonight, “All the way Home.” A sad one on death.

March 12, 1964 (Charis)

I dreamed last night that the Southwell family got together and searched an old farm. And we found all kinds of information and possessions about Wm F. & Benjamin Southwell. There were a couple of papers that had life history jotted down. There were post cards from England labeled, the place of my birth.

And there was a note—Benjamin Southwell married (Ann or Margaret can’t remember which) Page.

When we lived in our little house in Sunnyvale I dreamed Archibald Bennett came to me with some huge books and a pair of big black boots, some old photographs, and some newspaper clippings. They were about Mormon pioneer women named Southwell.

In the Gen. lib. Last week we found the records of Ann Southwell who crossed the plains and Rebecca Southwell married in the early church records.

I’m busy with school, but enjoying it very much.

April 25, 1964 (Bill)

Last night in my dreams I seemed to be struggling with a problem concerning death. I was apparently trying to determine what a person enjoys as he dies to determine what the death process is. Then the notion of velocity came to me. When I awoke and sat up to get up, this was shat occurred to me. Death is a limiting process as some life variable x approaches zero in some function f(x). This function is determined by the person during his life. I t is like a velocity function or it may contain a velocity part. In the limit as x (life) goes to zero this velocity approaches the speed of light. Thus the spirit is translated into another realm in space-tine. His first feelings are of being accelerated.

August 28, 1964 Review (Bill)

On June 5, 1964 we moved to 5B-268 Wymount Terrace, Provo, Utah from 376 E. 1010 So., Orem, Utah. My brother Rollin and Ellis Miner helped us move. When that mess was in reasonable order I started studying.

Charis’ parents came on their way to Pittsburgh, PA. We went to Ogden and met with Charis’ Aunts and Uncles on her mother’s side. We also went to a dinner with all her Aunts and Uncles on her father’s side.

On June 27, 1964, Charis and I went to a movie with Ellis and Beverley . We saw “What a Way to Go,” with Shirley McLane.

After I learned that I passed the Pre-Lim’s Charis and I celebrated by going to see a movie, “The Unsinkable Molly Brown.” Then we returned to our apartment and had a package of Dad’s T-bone steaks. We were up late that Wednesday night, but we had good cause to celebrate. I am perhaps the first to every pass the Pre-Lim’s or comprehensives after only one year of graduate school. I am glad for the counsel of Dr. Hales to try it.

On Tuesday, July 23, 1964 in the evening at 7 pm we started for Pittsburgh. We got in Charis’ Dad’s Fiat and took off. The next day was a holiday in Utah and we encountered heavy traffic heading for the mountains and lakes. They all seemed to be racing and were impatient to pass. Someone yelled at us, “get that thing of the road,” as they passed us. We stopped at a motel at Lyman, Wyoming. U. S. Steel is to pay for getting the Fiat to Pittsburgh. We could drive it back and return on the train.

We have gathered lots of genealogy along the way. As we drove into Illinois the Fiat developed a dragging noise and some squeaking in the right rear wheel. We stopped and the service man put in oil in the differential. More noise. The next station man suggested a bearing going out but it was about 6 pm and he said to drive on to Princeton, Ill. to a Standard Station where they had a mechanic. Slowly we went on. The kid at that Standard Station didn’t know a thing. All the motels in town were full. Another station man suggested another one at a Gulf station. He had us pull it in. He felt each hub and one was hot. He said the right rear wheel bearing was going out. But he could not fix it. He told us where to find a Hotel. We stayed at that Hotel which was pretty bad.

The next morning I went to a tire shop and he said no one in town would have a bearing and we would have to wait a week for one. He suggested we drive on to Chicago. “Go slowly and stop often for coffee.”

We drove that day about 20 mph stopping frequently to douse it with water. It got so hot it sizzled when I threw water on it. We finally found the Fiat place in Chicago even though I could not understand the telephone operator.

We arrived at 1838 Menold Ct., Allison Park, PA about 11 pm on August 3, 1964.

We planned to make a movie. Wrote it. Rehearsed it. Had all the costumes ready. Wally was the leading man. Julie the “rich” young lady. Patty the maid. Bob the landlord. But as I loaded the camera the spring broke or something and we didn’t get to make the move.

August 27, 1964 (Bill)

We went up to Grandpa Wagstaff and went through Grandma Wagstaff’s dishes and stuff. Charis repacked them and we brought 5 or 6 boxes of stuff to Provo. Some of it we got for Julie. Grandpa gave us his vacuum cleaner and a card table. He has been very good to us and a great help after we were married by loaning us furniture. He also gave us a $100 bill for our wedding.

October 11, 1964 (Charis)

Something said in Church tonight reminded me of an incident that happened his summer that I have always meant to write.

While the family was visiting with us this summer, Wally and David spotted the little China Temple that he had on our wedding cake.

“Hey! Look at that castle.”

So I explained that it was the temple and the place where Bill and I were married.

‘We went up to Ogden that day and on the way home we passed the temple so we pointed it out to the boys. David (3 and one half yrs. old) leaned forward and said to me, “You know, Wally and I builded that temple.”

“You did?”

“Yes we did a long time ago.” He went on to say how he took big pieces of rock, “We went up and got these big pieces of rock and builded the walls. And then they made some rooms on the inside and builded up and up and lots of towers and so he went on.”

Amused I said, “My wasn’t that a lot of work?”

“Yes it was.” He said. “But you all helped-ed us. Just—and he named us all—helped us and we builded that temple.”

It hit me with a feeling—not quite weird—but it made me stop and wonder.

I believe I did write this somewhere before perhaps in a letter to Don—but I can’t remember. It’s a shame if I didn’t because now I just can’t remember all he said.

Rollin and Julie came for Sunday dinner today—we had veal scaloppini—the last of the veal we brought from Bill’s folks at Christmas. Julie is enjoying school here. She is living at Helaman Halls and has a very nice roommate Penny Clauder.

I am taking 13 hours again—my best load. I have History 120 from Allen, Novel from Defoe, Dickens Gassman, Art History and App-Mathews, Book of Mormon from Hugh Nibley and Semantics from David Evans. It’s a good schedule. Bill is attending brother Nibley’s class with me and we consider it a real privilege to be able to hear him.

We are busy. I am on the Stake Relief Society Board (The Literature Leader) and in the Ward (Stake wide) Primary (the Firelight teacher). We have a wonderful new Literature program in R. S. this year. I feel this is a marvelous step forward.

As a result of a hint from Vera S. Reichel on our trip this summer we have finally found the birthplace of Benjamin Southwell. It was Tattershall or Tottershall Thorpe, Lincolnshire, Eng. He and Mary Ann Stephenson were married in Jamestown, Grant Co., Wisc. She was born at West Point, Lee Co., Iowa (right across the River from Nauvoo.) We also think we have found his family in the 1851 Census and his father’s will.

 

Spring 1964

Charis took a full load this semester. So we were both busy with school. We also had positions in our Orem Ward.

I remember one scene. It was snowing and I was driving up South State Street to Orem from Provo. The road was slippery.

Charis won the Hart-Larson Poetry Award for her poem Dust. At the awards dinner as she was presented the award, Dr. Clinton Larson said, “And she is here tonight with her Robert Browning husband.” Later Charis said that that comment was a tribute to me rather than her because Elizabeth Barrett Browning was not considered the same caliber as Robert Browning. I reminded her that she was receiving the award, not me.

In June 1964 we moved to 5B-268 Wymount Terrace, Provo, Utah. I remember moving in. To unload the car I drove on the very wide sidewalk to the building quad to unload. An officer came up and was to write me a citation. This was a married student’s facility and there were young children around playing. I argued that I had been extremely cautious. I told him I even looked under the car before I moved it to be sure there were no kids around. He let me go. We were on the second floor of the east building of a set of four that formed an inner quad, which was a lawn and a playground for the children. There were laundry machines in the opposite building. These four buildings constituted the BYU 44^th ward. Again we were in a Zion society and we loved it. There was a unity and closeness not seen in regular wards in the church. The Bishop was Walter D. Bowen, a young vibrant religion teacher. There was a social in the basement of one of the buildings where we first met the Bishop. But we met for church on campus in a classroom. The ward was filled with talent and leadership.The buildings were new. Our apartment was at least one bedroom. It may have been 2. This would be our home for the rest of our time at BYU, till August 1966. Most who lived there were poor. But there was plenty of help in taking care of kids while parents worked or went to school. Primary was held during the week at the apartments.

I was assigned some families to home teach. One family was Jim and Mary Eckhart. Another was Terry Seamons and his wife. Neither of these had children. Charis and I would make slide shows for my home teaching visits. They emphasized the teaching we were getting from our Bishop, which were based on the four pillars of Priesthood Correlation: Home Teaching, Genealogy, Missionary work, and Welfare. The slide shows had accompanying sound which was played with a small tape player. We would put a ding on the sound tape to indicate when to change the slide. One of them was on Family Home Evenings. We showed a family holding one. There was an opening song, “There is Beauty All Around”. When it came to the phrase, “roses bloom beneath our feet, all the world’s a garden sweet,” Charis had drawn a slide of some feet walking on some roses, which also had thorns in them.

I was called to be a counselor to the Elder’s quorum president, Terry Seamons. This entitled me to sit in on the Priesthood Executive Committee meetings and exposure to Bishop Bowen. He was a dynamic leader. Although only the Elder’s Quorum President would ordinarily be in that meeting (held weekly) he wanted all in the presidency to attend. He believed he was training future priesthood leaders for the wards of the church. As it was a married student housing ward, many couples were having babies. Others wanted to start families. When this did not happen right away, they would come to Bishop Bowen for a blessing. Soon after such blessings many of the sisters became pregnant.

Charis became active in Relief Society. First through her skills at making things. She was over the Relief Society Bazaar, which was a money raising event. Things were made and sold at a display meeting. Charis sewed things and made things for these Bazaars. She was especially effective as a teacher, showing people that they can be creative.

In our ward lived Michael Graves, an artist, with his wife and two kids. As I recall he also was a counselor to Terry Seamans the Elders Quorum President. (Terry’s wife Gloria was in the Relief Society as well, as I recall). Once Michael Graves came to our apartment and sat on the couch next to a large pile of clean laundry. He smiled and said “This is comfortable,” or something like that. I don’t remember why he was there. Once he painted a picture for the Bazaar. It was a sketch of a simple but classy lady with some water color shading. Charis and I bought it at the Bazaar. We were wealthy. I did not work. Charis did not work. Both of us were in school. All because of my fellowship and our frugality. When he saw that we bought it, he later gave us another sketch to go with it. It was titled The Englishman, a sketch of a bearded may looking a little like Edward G. Robinson.

On one occasion, Michael Graves borrowed money from us for tuition. Later for payment he gave us a large canvas painting called The Subway. This painting had been awarded Best of Show in an exhibit at the Wilkinson Center. It does not look like a subway, but you get a feeling of fear that a subway might give you. There are broad black strokes some of which have paint drips. Such are also seen in the cover of the BYU year book for that year, the Banyan, which also featured his art work. We treasured that picture, not because we liked it, but because we liked the painter. It hung on our living room wall in our home in Rapid City. {It was put in the garage while Danna and I were on our mission where it deteriorated somewhat. It now hangs in my office in Thousand Oaks. I would like to donate it to a museum. Springville has paintings by him.} {Note added. We did contact him, he is now Clane Graves, and he came to take the painting. He also took the other two works to copy and return. We have not seen them yet.}

While on the subject, we also loaned tuition money to Bill Bower which he also paid back.

In the summer of 1964 we drove Don and Afton’s Fiat, a small foreign car to Pittsburgh. It was a rich experience gathering pictures and genealogy information. There are journal entries of most of this. It was also hot and grueling as we had car trouble in Chicago. After getting to Pittsburgh we drove to eastern PA to meet more of my relatives. We returned to Provo on a train.

Sometimes when traveling Charis would not feel like eating. It was difficult for her to find something she could eat. Once at a MacDonald’s she asked for a grilled cheese sandwich. They couldn’t do that, so we would go where they would give us just simple requests. Sometimes a glass of milk. Sometimes she would be exhausted but I never remember her being grumpy and she was never out of sorts with me.

 

1965

Charis became good friends with Mary Eckhart and Dixie Partridge, who were both English Literature majors. (There is a journal entry on this.)

We planted a garden which grew, a ward project.

Charis finished her course work and graduated with honors on May 28, 1965. On the following Sunday we had the Eckharts and the Partridges over for some of Dad’s steaks.

July 18, 1965 (Bill)

The dinner we had with the Eckharts and the Partridges was really fun. Jerry Partridge and I had been home teachers to the Eckharts. The three of us had the fact in common that our wives were taking the English Proficiency test in April. I suggested we have a contest on whose wife would come out the highest. All of them are real smart. Dixie Partridge has a 3.85 grade point average. And Charis of course is real smart, but Mary Eckhart got the only A on the test. Charis and Dixie got A-‘s. So I offered to supply the steak dinner. We discussed relativity and other topics at the table. Then we discussed many things—movie making, Goldwater, politics, ghosts, scripture, and then we looked at Partridge’s slides. For three shy families the conversation got so loud and fast I had to monitor it—requiring all to wait their turn or raise their hand to be recognized. We all had fun and it seemed to be perhaps a release from finals and graduation and all. Jerry Partridge received his PhD in Chemistry. Jim Eckhart graduated BS in Accounting. And our three wives each graduated in English Literature.

We have since enjoyed the friendship of the Eckharts. He has a Petri single lens reflex 35 mm. And now has extension tubes and last Friday bought a $19 slide projector. We share all slides—usually on Ellis Miner’s projector.

Charis and I both were pleased with our grades this last semester. Van Fleet gave me an A- in 2 hours of research and Spiedel failed me in German 96, but all my 3 classes, Group theory Quantum Mechanics, and Solid State and Seminar—were all A’s. Van Fleet gave me an A+ for the Physics Dept. record.

Charis didn’t fail her history as she feared. In fact her grade average came up.

This past school year was quite rushed for us. Charis took a heavy load in order to graduate this spring. I took a special nuclear physics 711-C from Dixon, but I’ve decided to change my major from nuclear physics to solid state physics along with quantum mechanics. I got my first B in Graduate school—in Mark Nelson’s quantum mechanics. And I failed the French test once and the German once. Next week I take the German test again. If I pass it, I’ll be right on schedule again.

Today we have been filling out third generation family group sheets. In a week and a half I take the German test. So I still don’t feel relaxed enough to write a complete account of things.

Charis’ family came and stayed with us in June. They were out here for Don’s marriage. Wally and David stayed with us while the rest of the family went to California for the wedding reception.

Then, somehow, we got to keep Walter. He is staying with us now and we are enjoying him. We are trying to teach him—family home evenings, math, reading, and physics.(End of Entry)

Charis was recommended for an editorial position with the Church Magazine, (The Improvement ERA) I think it was called then. She considered it but decided the commute to SLC was too much. But she was pleased that her professors had recommended her.

Walter Greenwood was with us for a while in the summer of 1965. We had people for dinner. I remember Don Greenwood, her brother; Julie, her sister coming over. We still went to campus and downtown movies. I bought a movie camera.

 

1966

I completed all my requirements and graduated with a PhD in Physics in Aug 1966.

January 9, 1966 (Bill)

Today I was ordained an high priest and set apart as second counselor in the bishopric to Bishop Walter D. Bowen. (end of entry) The other counselor was Gale Brimhall.

In January 1966 I received my Patriarchal Blessing with Charis witnessing.

We lived in Wymount Terrace from June 1964 to August 1966. This was a period of great happiness for us.

There was, however, a loneliness in Charis’ heart. She longed to be a mother. We applied for adoption through the church social services. They required each of us to write a life story. Previously, for a class, Charis wrote an autobiography. She expanded on this with some additional events. I have versions of this. She then shortened and edited it for submission to the Relief Society. Then, before we left for Rapid City, she received a blessing from Bishop Bowen for a baby.

July 3, 1966 (Charis)

Tonight the Bishop gave Bill a blessing and I realized that I had failed to record a wonderful blessing the Bishop gave me not long ago. Along in late February and March I developed gall-bladder trouble and it looked like I was going to have to have it out. Bill gave me a blessing and promised me that whatever happened would be for my best good.

Then the Bishop suggested he give me a blessing. One Sunday Bill and I went down to the office and they gave me a blessing, the Bishop being mouth.

First he prayed for a blessing and then began to say rather usual things. Then suddenly a change came over him and he began to bless me with confidence and power. As he spoke he answered almost in order the most pressing questions in my heart and helped my problems.

For months I had been depressed because I’d been sick so much just the first months of this year. And also because we were starting proceedings to adopt a baby and all this was very much on my mind. I’d actually wondered if I would live long, if maybe my time wasn’t drawing near.

The next thing the Bishop said and repeated was that there was yet purpose in my life. He told me I would have more strength and feel better than I ever had befoe. He also said that Bill and I would have children to raise and this would come about in a natural manner.

This was a wonderful blessing for me and it lifted those dreadful burdens from my heart. Now I know that I should work to build a future rather than struggle to face death.

I know the Bishop was inspired. How could he have known what was on my mind otherwise?

Tonight he gave Bill a blessing and promised him that he would finish his dissertation and that it would finalize quickly. He said we would find the right place to go and that we would know immediately if it was right. (We fly to South Dakota Thursday for an interview.) He told him that he would have ability in his work grow as his ability in the correlation in the gospel grew—all the days of his life.

He told him to always support and serve those who presided over him in the manner he is now humble and dedicated and that those over whom he poresides will support him in a like manner. He referred to having seen a vision of our future sometime in the past.

He told Bill (and repeated) that the Lord loved him and would uphold him.

He blessed him with increased love for his wide and so on.

It was a wonderful blessing.

These words aren’t exact; it’s hard to remember even an hour. All I could do was try to capture the feelings.

(End of entry)

In the spring of 1966 I started looking at ads for teaching positions. They were plentiful. The nation was in short supply of physics teachers. The country was in a space race to reach the moon. I received several offers. One was from Duquesne University in Pittsburgh who sent me an offer without an interview trip. There was an opening at the South Dakota School of Mines and Technology at Rapid City, South Dakota. They invited me to come with my wife for an interview and to give a colloquium. This was my first plane ride. It was the most frightening experience. There was strong turbulence. July 1966. When it landed in Casper, Wyoming, I was never so happy to be back on the ground. It was so bad one of the stewardesses was throwing up in the paper bag. Charis had flown a lot and was not so affected. I don’t know how she did it. When we landed in Rapid City she said my face was green. I gave a talk on the results of my dissertation the next day.

One day while living in Wymount Terrace during Primary one of the children fell on sidewalk and hit her head. She was taken to the hospital where she died. There were other children in the family, but this was a great shock. I remember the Stake Presidency coming to visit the home that evening. The funeral was conducted by the Bishop. I remember sitting on the stand next to Bishop Bowen. The family’s home teacher, Lyle Rowbury, a humble man, rose to the occasion. He was with the family from the start. He arranged housing for those coming to the funeral. He helped the family with the funeral details. I remember saying this to Bishop Bowen and saying that he had certainly learned the principles of Priesthood Correlation.

Another funeral related to the Ward (probably before I was in the Bishopric) was for a young man. I remember Bishop Bowen saying to his young grieving widow that this life is the “hell” mentioned in the scriptures. This is the time to meet and face adversities.

Another experience was to assist administering to a Ward member, Bro. Romney, who suffered from severe headaches. He thrashed around. We could not give him a blessing because he could not hold still or stop groaning. I remember helping carrying him out on a blanket to get him to the hospital.

Another memory was visiting Terry Seamons in the hospital after an appendectomy. He was strong and athletic but he had a glass eye. I remember in the hospital the sun was shining on his face on that eye and he didn’t move. It seemed he was home playing basketball the next day.

Our Bishopric meetings were spiritual and focused. We met in the Bishop’s office on campus. We would pray on our knees in a circle with our hands on our shoulders. We would read quotes from the General Authorities, especially those on the Correlation Committee, Spence W. Kimball, Harold B. Lee, and Marian G. Romney. We were continually being taught the importance of exercising the Priesthood in caring for the poor and needy. The Bishop would confide in us sometimes some of the problems he encountered in interviews. He held us to strict confidence. I am sure he was careful in what he divulged, but he was trying to train Gale and me for future church leadership positions. There was a constant mantra from him on sustaining and following the living prophets.

There was a ward member who had been excommunicated while serving a mission in France. It was related to a group of missionaries who fell into apostasy when following one who believed in polygamy. This ward member was in the process of coming back into the Church. I remember seeing and talking to him later in the Denver Airport. Charis was in a wheel chair. He was in a military uniform. I believe we were on our way to Stanford Medical Center from Rapid City.

 

Rapid City South Dakota

I recall riding in the realtor’s car, a Lincoln, I believe. It has a phone which he used to call ahead before we would visit houses. He was a highly successful agent. Under scrutiny for his tactics but we found him fair and helpful. Memory is interesting. I can almost remember his name. We drove past a cemetery to see the house on the highest street. It was yellow and had a full walk out basement. We bought it. Charis now had a place for a garden. I remember signing the mortgage papers and I asked for a copy of what I was signing. That was unheard of then. I also questioned why I was paying an additional one quarter percent interest for insurance. It was FHA policy. But the insurance was not protecting me. It protected the bank in case I failed to make payments. The price of the house was $16,900 and we paid $700 down. Our payments were $48/month. We had enough to make the down payment, but we needed a washer and dryer. We went to Sears and found what we wanted. I asked if I could pay in a month when I received my first check. To do that, I would have to have credit. There was some hesitation about that. I had not established any credit. I had never borrowed money except for the house, which we just bought. They were not going to deliver them until I could pay for them. Then he asked, where do I work? I am teaching at the School of Mines and Technology here is town as an Assistant Professor of Physics. Oh, in that case your credit is good with us. We will deliver the washer and dryer tomorrow.

Our life status suddenly changed from poor students to a highly respected member of the community.

The President of the School was a retired military person. Fraser was his name. I was reluctant to sign the patent agreement the school had. He was helpful in getting me funds to support a graduate student, who did some work in the Mossbauer effect. I remember teaching sophomore physics, optics, math Physics, and Quantum Mechanics. James Patterson was a theorist who did work in magnetism theory. He got me involved in what he was doing. I was also mostly a theorist and he enjoyed having someone to bounce ideas with. We published some joint papers. I delivered a paper at the American Institute of Physics meeting in Seattle, Washington. I remember the big jet flying through fog to land. I was not able to see the ground until just before touch down on the runway. I think this was my second time flying since the interview trip across Wyoming in a prop plane.

Charis was involved with the activities of the Faculty Wives, There was another LDS teacher, Brian Davis, who taught atmospheric or environmental stuff, I don’t remember. But it was not in the Physic Dept. His wife, Dixie Davis, became friends with Charis. Brian was in the District Presidency at church. I was not at all friendly with him, our paths never crossed. Except once. We borrowed a 33 rpm record of some classical music, I think for the play, Pride and Prejudice. Somehow it got scratched. He was upset but we bought him a new one. Also our homeowners insurance covered it.

Charis had a garden. She grew herbs and roses, miniature roses. And other flowers. I remember her working in her big brimmed hat.

Her health was good. We needed a doctor for her however. We went to see a Dr. Barreis to ask for a recommendation. He listened to us as Charis explained her condition. He then explained that there was no one is Western South Dakota who would understand her disease, but that he would be willing to take her case. There wasn’t much to do except order blood work and take blood pressure, and change dosage of cortisone. He was an Internist. I remember him saying once to Charis that she followed doctor’s orders better than any patience he had ever seen. Later when she was going into kidney failure her skin would itch. He prescribed a compound lotion which the pharmacist would mix. It has lanolin and other soothing stuff. It worked well. When Charis told him, he was pleased with himself. He called it shepherds lotion. Once he called me at work. He said that her condition had reached a point that we needed to see specialists. So that summer, 1968, we went to California to see Dr. Young at Stanford with a big sealed envelope containing her medical records. But this was after Paula was born.

In our first year in Rapid City we were quite alone in our big house. We learned that our adoption process we started with the Church Social Services had to terminate because they were not licensed to operate in South Dakota. We therefore went to the state agency. There we were required to have a medical approval. Unfortunately Dr. Baries did not consider her well enough to care for a baby. Or, perhaps her longevity was insufficient. I do not know what he reported. So we were rejected for a state adoption. We were kind of left in the cold. Charis felt strongly about having a baby, even though she was involved with church, her writing, her home and garden.

I became the Executive Secretary in the branch. It was a big branch, much like a ward. We had a chapel and the full program of the church. Charis was involved with the Young Women. She wrote the play, Pride and Prejudge, I have a copy dated February 26, 1967. I have a young women’s roster dated 1966. Putting on this play was a big undertaking. It was to promote the talents and confidence in the youth. All the time Charis was in the background. The sets, the costumes. Casting. I was the director. The kids and adults who had parts learned their parts and came to rehearsals. There was a stage with curtains in the cultural hall at the church. My point is. At no time did she do all this to promote herself. Her message was that everyone had creativity that they knew not of. It turned out to be successful. It must have been performed in late April 1967. There was a rehearsal and I was upset at their noise. I actually yelled “Quiet Backstage!” only to come to realize there were planning on presenting me with a birthday cake.

We became good friends with Rex and Barbara Reeve. He was with the church institute program working with the Indians in North and South Dakota and Montana. They would come over when he was back in town and we would play Rook. Even when Charis was not well, she looked forward to these experiences. What fun we had. Barbara and Charis would play against Rex and me. I recall once it got out that people crunching ice bothered me. So to distract me in the game Barbara would crunch ice deliberately. It was funny. How important friends are. I don’t want to be didactic but this point can be made without having to say that.

 

Summer of 1967

Before Paula. I don’t remember. I don’t think I was teaching because it was summer. Don and Afton and the family came to visit. We went to Mount Rushmore and the dinosaurs in Rapid City (there are pictures). I think we had Jane’s girls that summer. We drove east of Rapid City to see the Bad Lands. I gave them blessings when they returned to Scottsbluff for school. We drove down with them to the farm. Jane was driving ahead of us and she had her turn light on for many miles. We drove through Chadron Nebraska, where Jane had gotten some credits at Chadron State.

Charis and I were invited to Jim Patterson’s abandoned gold mine in the Black Hills for a barbeque steak. It was the best store steak I had ever had, I think. It melted in my mouth.

When I was called to be branch president of the Indian branch, Charis and I both attended those meetings instead of the Rapid City Branch. Charis worked with the Relief Society and the youth. In this connection we associated with Rex C. Reeve, Jr., and Barbara his wife. Harvey Dahl was the President of the Northern Indian Mission. One of my counselors was Herman Red Elk, the painter. Margaret Trammel was the daughter of Lone Bull, who was the son of Sitting Bull. Once Sister Trammel and some other Indian women walked to our home saying they had no food. Charis gave them some from our food supply, including some beans from Dad’s farm. We got to witness some Pow Wow’s, which are ceremonial dances. We grew to love the Indian People. They were Sioux.

 

Paula

In October 1967 we got a call from Afton telling us of a girl in California who was having a baby and wanted to give it to Charis. The arrangements would be through her doctor. We called him and he told us any day it would be born. The mother and father were going to be married but she still wanted to give Charis the baby. Finally, the call came. The doctor said we were the parents of a fine red headed baby girl. We immediately flew to San Francisco. We went to Avis to rent a car. All they had was a red T-Bird convertible. We drove to the hospital and picked up the baby. We did not see or talk to the mother. As I recall there were two things we were given with the baby. One was pajamas for the baby and the other was a note from her mother. It was brief but said this is for the baby. It was signed Nancy Durham. We were not supposed to know who she was, but she signed her name. I don’t really remember the contents of the note, but I kept it in my wallet for many years. It was lost when My billfold was lost or stolen. Maybe I could find it, but not likely. We gave our information to the hospital so that we would be listed as the natural parents. Charis gave her the name Paula after a wonderful aunt. We put her in a flat carrier and put it between the front seats in the car and drove back to San Francisco to fly back to Rapid City. Afton came to help with the baby. We have pictures of Charis and Paula at 5 days old. One might have said Charis was spared the pain of childbirth, but in saying so they discount the pain of childlessness of 6 years.

This was a direct blessing from heaven. Private adoption was our only hope and even that did not appear to be at all promising due to Charis’ condition. But the blessing came in a wonderful way.

TO PAULA

Sariah, Hannah, Elizabeth and I
Sent prayer after prayer
To circumvent the sky
And God, because he understands,
Listened to our plea.
So came Isaac, Samuel, John
And Paula came to me.

Then Charis had a sickness or maybe a hospitalization. I definitely remember Dr. Bareis coming to our home to see Charis. There he saw Paula. I told him we were adopting a baby. Cool response. Certainly not, “Wonderful, how beautiful she is”. Instead I am sure he was thinking, “What are you thinking?” Later I remember Charis saying to someone, if I could only be with her for 5 years… the formative years.

Paula was a healthy and lively child. She soon learned to stand up on her crib and then she would bounce it to move it around the bedroom room. We had hard oak floors. She also had a mind of her own. She would scream and kick when we would try to strap her in the car seat. There were lots of straps and things in those days. She did not want to be strapped in. She was bottle fed, so I could help with her feeding. One of my most precious memories is Charis rocking her and singing to her the words of “There is a green hill far away”.

We still had to go through adoption. But we could not do that until the baby was 6 months old. So there was another hurdle to get over. We secured the services of a lawyer. He was a gruff old man who wheezed when he breathed and talked. There was to be a hearing where the Judge would consider all the factors. The social services people came to our home to inspect. I am sure we were to obtain a medical statement. These were all scary things. We could lose Paula after having her 6 months. But our lawyer said for us not to worry, he will handle the judge. “Nobody can say how long anyone is going to live.” He gave himself as an example. (Looking back I don’t think he was a very good example. I don’t know how long he lived.) But his point was that the baby was ours from birth and to take her from us based on not knowing how long one parent will live is not right. The judge ruled in our favor, the social services people were on the other side. We again had reason to rejoice.

Soon after that ruling we drove to Salt Lake City to the temple where Paula was sealed to us. June 6, 1968. (Sealings cannot occur until adoptions are final.)

There was another occasion when we drove across Wyoming to Utah. It was when her grandfather Gene Wagstaff died. September 16, 1968. I recall eating at a reserved room. Don and Afton, Afton’s brothers, Charis and me. Stories were being told and there was much laughter. The memory stayed with me, probably because I was not accustomed to many funerals and especially times of joyfulness at such times.

March 20, 1968 (Charis)

I got a letter from Mother with the news that Aunt Pauls Wilson died—I guess on Friday. I am moved. I really loved her. I’m more glad than ever that we’ve named our Paula after her. She was one of lthe finest people I ever know or ever hope to know.

 

Summer 1968

Was this the summer we drove to California with the medical records? Charis not in good health?

We stayed with Don and Karen. Paula and Heather were together. We made trips to Stanford Medical Center to see Dr. Young. I am sure they took their own tests. But at the end he sent us back. We had the impression that she was ok for the time being. There was no call for us to stay there, to go on kidney dialysis. But perhaps there is more to the story that we did not hear. There are waiting lists for dialysis and there are candidates for it and those who are not candidates. I don’t know what Dr. Bareis said in the sealed medical reports. I don’t remember that Dr. Young sent anything back for Dr. Bareis.

When was the hospitalization in Rapid City? Were there two? Yes, Oct., 1969 and an earlier one I am sure. I was at home, alone. Charis was in the hospital and I don’t remember where Paula was. I got a call from a hospital doctor. I was in the dining room area, the phone on the yellow table. I forgot what he told me. But it was that she was going to die. Hearing that was like a shrill loud sound. He rebuked our doctors for not being straight with us. I dropped to my knees. I plead with the Lord.

 

Summer 1969

Memory not good on these periods.

A trip to a rock shop with Don with Charis and me. The shop owner asked about Charis, recognizing she was not well. Charis was white, weak, somewhat puffy.

 

Fall 1969

Looking for a job in California and Pittsburgh, Gulf Oil. Letters by Charis document this. She begins to have trouble writing. She could not write. Perhaps small strokes. But she later recovered her ability to write.

In November 1969 we flew her to Pittsburgh. Don had arranged for a Dr. to see her. He was an expert in rheumatoid arthritis. I called Don Hopkins, the head of the physics department at the South Dakota School of Mines to say I would be late from coming back from Thanksgiving, I think. That was because Charis went into the hospital I think. I remember he said, “Don’t press you luck”.

She was hospitalized. She got a new doctor. I flew back to Rapid City, continued teaching. Then when I flew back for Christmas, she was in the car when Don met me at the airport, a surprise. (How glad I was to see her. Like when she returned to Provo on the train in the fall of 1960.) She was weak. We talked about buying a house, a single story, to install a kidney machine. I had no new job.

December 24, 1969, The Nutcracker Ballet in Oakland. Patty was dancing in it. I drove Afton and Patty and Charis. When coming home (Patty remembers it was only Charis and her), it had started to snow. Charis developed a nose bleed. It would not stop. The roads were slippery, but I was hurrying to get her to the hospital at North Passivant Hospital near their home. There was anxiety in the car. Afton had a fur coat. There was an issue about getting blood on it. Oh, don’t bother about that. We got her to the emergency room where they started to control the bleeding. They were not successful, so they started transfusions. Then they used cauterization, hot irons to burn off the blood vessels. Finally, that worked and they stuffed her nose with dressings.

By then it was late in the evening. Charis said she wanted to go home. The doctor said no way that she needed to be admitted. I talked to him outside. I made these arguments: we were only a mile or two from the hospital. I would watch her very closely. These arguments were not changing his mind. He said in her condition there was no way he would release her. Then I made a calculated statement. I said this may be her last Christmas with her child. (the Doctor said “that’s for sure”) She wants more than anything in the world to be with her two year old for Christmas. With this he started to relent. Finally he said, I will release her on one condition, that tomorrow afternoon you admit her to the Presbyterian Memorial Hospital. I said that I would.

We brought her home. I carried her in. I laid her down on the couch in the front room where the Christmas tree was. Paula was upstairs in bed. Charis was on sheets and under blankets and her head propped up. I laid down on the carpet next to her and spent the night watching her sleep by the light of the Christmas tree lights. In the morning Paula came down to open her presents. She saw her mommy but I don’t know how she felt seeing her Mommy with her nose all bandaged up. Still she received her Christmas presents. Charis had made a toy family from wooden spools and blocks for Paula. They were painted delicately. There was a Mom and a Dad, a baby, and a dog. Of course, Paula got other gifts from grandparents and others. That afternoon I took her to the Presbyterian Memorial Hospital where she was admitted.

Then a miracle happened. In a few days her platelet count rose. It came back to an acceptable level, taking her from the danger of bleeding. She was released from the hospital. Yet it was clear we had to affect a move to Pittsburgh. They did have a dialysis unit at the hospital and we did meet the director. He was a southerner who told us about the unit. There was some mention of the list and even less mention of the qualifications to be a candidate. (One thing we had in our favor I think was that I had good medical insurance for Charis.) Still in his ramblings he did say he did not play God, referring to who gets on the list.

Charis was well enough for her and me to drive back to Rapid City. There we put our house on the market. I resigned from the South Dakota School of Mines.

We drove down to the farm. Charis was weak but happy to be at the farm. It was winter. The last picture taken of her was at the farm. I think she was holding Paula. (look it up) On the drive back to Rapid City, it was dusk. There was a big bright red sky. Her head was back on the seat. She started to cry. I said what’s the matter. She said, I will never see that again. I looked at the sunset again, this time with greater appreciation for its beauty and for the glory of God than ever before in my life. After a few miles of silence, she said, “Promise me this Bill, that you will not bury me in Pittsburgh.” I said “I promise”. But death was not on my mind. We had come this far. She was improving. We just needed to get her on dialysis.

Don Hopkins, the head of the Physics Department, had set up an open house for us at his home. It was for my students and faculty and faculty wives at the school. We went shopping for Charis for something for her to wear. She found a pants suit. It made her look good. But above all it boosted her spirits. It was a good event. I was leaving my classes in the middle of the term. Several of my students came, as did the faculty. I got to say a few words. I thanked the administration for their support, my fellow physics professors, but most of all, I said, I will miss the students and teaching. Later Don Hopkins said I said just the right things.

We drove back to Pittsburgh. Don expressed how happy to see we made it. Then I began looking for a job. I had written from Rapid City to some 10 or so companies in Pittsburgh including Pittsburgh Plate and Glass PPG and Owens Illinois. I went to an employment agency. I was desperate. The job market had changed from when I graduated from school. I got all registered at an agency. I would not have to pay any fee. In my job area those are paid for by the companies. Then I asked the guy at the agency, “Do you really think you can get me a job?” He replied, “Hey, is the Pope a Catholic?” I hadn’t heard that expression before; I guess that is why I remember it.

Later the agency sent me to a company way on the other side of town. It was for a computer programming job at a small company. It was cold and raining hard the windshield wipers were thumping. I felt the despair described in the few novels I had read: A Farewell to Arms, Sister Carrie, Of Human Bondage. My wife was ill, I was without work. I was a beggar. Here I was on that dark narrow road in Pittsburgh. My fortune had fallen, but like before we were married and I was out of work, I had the full faith and love of Charis.

We were staying with her parents in their comfortable home. They were looking after her while I looked for work. I had some hope with PPG, but that did not materialize. Then I went to Fecker Systems Division of Owens Illinois which made large telescopes and military optics. There were located not far from the Presbyterian Hospital. They needed someone who could program an IBM 1130 computer. That was exactly the computer they had at the School of Mines. I knew how to do that. Furthermore, they needed someone to design optics, another love I developed from Don. Furthermore, I had taught Optics as an upper division physics course at the School of Mines. I was hired.

My boss was Dick Walters. Another lens designer working there was Tony Phillips. The pay was more than I was getting as a professor and they had excellent medical benefits for me and Charis. Another blessing. I learned lens design and ray tracing from Dick Walters. I was able to contribute to the diffraction analysis of lens systems which they needed.

Charis was now under supervision of another doctor. Dr. Malik. A quiet man, an internist. But with him it was more of the same. Do the blood tests and measure the blood pressure and adjust levels of medications. He was trying different blood pressure drugs. Each had its own effectiveness and side effects. He had us buy a cuff so I could take her blood pressure. He showed me how to take the reading. He indicated to me, don’t get shocked at what you see. I took her blood pressure. It was 280. Her kidney function tests were becoming alarmingly bad. She was again admitted to the Presbyterian Hospital.

She was not accepted for the dialysis unit. Yet x-rays showed her kidneys had shriveled to almost nothing. They said she was anephritic, a word meaning without kidneys. Instead of putting her on dialysis, they put her in an intensive care room where they flushed her abdominal cavity with two short pipes. This is called peritoneal dialysis. One tube brought water in and one pumped it out again. This took more than a day. She did not like it. It must have been extremely uncomfortable. Others in this large intensive care room included a young man on a respirator machine that did his breathing for him. He died that night while she was there and was taken out. A man right next to her bed was recovering from surgery and had not regained complete consciousness. He was lying on his back and had a catheter to drain urine which was often not covered. He groaned a lot. A doctor came in and shouted at him to get through to him. The doctor was telling him that his surgery did not go well. I had learned to ignore rules. I went in to be by Charis. Her hair was disheveled and her skin was wrinkled. I saw an old woman, yet she just turned 29 years old. When the procedure was over, she was brought back to her hospital room. After she relaxed a little she resolutely told me she would rather die than go through that experience again.

I am sure she expressed herself to the doctors and staff because they then started preparing her for hemodialysis. In her room Dr. Malik explained what they are going to do. They are going to insert a shunt in her leg. This is a short tube that connects an artery to a vein. This is where the blood is taken from the body to the dialysis machine and then back again into her body. He drew a picture of that on the back of an IBM computer card. But the surgery to do this failed. They could not find an adequate vein. So they tried again with an expert surgeon, one that only does delicate surgeries. He wore glasses with small tubes like microscopes to give him a close up view. He probed different veins in her legs, trying to find one that was strong enough to allow the shunt. He failed. This left her leg all slashed. And the bleeding wouldn’t stop. Her leg was elevated and wrapped in bandages and towels. She had a wire frame to hold the bed covers off her leg. Previously, over the years, she had trouble with circulation in her legs as evidenced by bruises. Even small scratches took months to heal. So what were they going to do? Dr. Malik calmly explained to me that they could, if necessary, use the large veins in the groin area to execute dialysis. What they did was try the veins in an arm. This worked! What a blessing. At this point I remember the Dialysis chief, the southern doctor coming in to explain his unit.

On March 6, 1970 Charis asked the nurse to call home. It was very early in the morning. She told Afton she wanted me to come in. She came to my room and told me. I asked her if she said why. She said no, she just wanted me there. When I arrived, she was not in her room. She had been taken up to the dialysis unit. I went up there.

She was hooked up to it and resting comfortably. I sat by her bed right next to her.

I might have dozed for a while. When I looked at her, I saw she was not moving. Strangely, a peace came over me, but I rushed out to tell the nurse, who was working on another patient. I said Charis in not breathing. She said she would be right there. When she came she called for the doctor and the crash cart and I was ushered out.

I called her parents. They came. It seemed they worked on her a long time. A good sign I felt—but finally the doctor came out and said they could not save her.

Thinking I was in shock, the doctor asked if I wanted a pill. NO! But I did want to see her. He warned me that death had taken a toll on her. I went in escorted by a couple of nurses. She did look wrinkled and old and beaten, yet she was only 29 years old. I was angry and stunned. Why had they waited so long to begin dialysis?

The doctor came back and asked me if they could perform an autopsy. I said that for most of her life she has been poked and jabbed in teaching hospitals by lots of interns and doctors. I said no. Now it is over—let her rest in peace.

I remember the presence of the nurses when I was went into the room. One of them took my arm. Somehow this gesture allowed me to keep my composure. I remember strong feelings.

I gathered her things and drove home. She had a green winter coat that I placed on the passenger seat. While driving, I reached over to touch her coat. Then it hit me. She was gone. How was I going to live?

When I got to her parents’ home, I had the job of telling Paula that her mommy was gone. I was fortunate, perhaps, that she did not really fully understand. Later she would ask, where’s mommy?

The next evening at the funeral home I had an opportunity to be alone with Charis. I talked to her. I told her I would go on; that I would take care of Paula. And I asked her if she would be with us. Just at that moment her lifeless body, dressed in the white robes of the temple, responded to my question and she nodded with an emphatic yes!

I kept my promise. She was flown back to Rapid City, South Dakota to have a funeral while Paula and I rode with Don and Afton driving back on March 7, 1970, the day after she died. As we drove the day turned gray and dark. It was a solar eclipse as if the earth was mourning the loss of one of its fairest daughters.

The funeral was attended by our ward and by members of the Indian Branch who all loved her. Many relatives came from Utah. And Jim Eckhart flew in from California. She was buried in the beautiful Mountain View Cemetery, just 3 blocks from our home.

After the funeral Paula and I went to the farm for a few days with my parents. Then Dad took us to the Scottsbluff, Nebraska airport for our flight back to Pittsburgh through Denver. But due to weather that flight did not arrive in Scottsbluff. A local pilot said he would fly us to Denver. So we took off in his Piper Cub. I sat next to the pilot holding Paula sitting right behind the single propeller. Not long into the flight the pilot could see the storm coming upon us. He said his airplane could not make it through that storm. So he turned around and went back to Scottsbluff. He then got us on a two engine private plane, which he said could make it through the storm.

Surprisingly taking off in these airplanes and flying into a storm did not worry me. I had just been through a courageous battle side by side with Charis and this storm seemed mild in comparison.

I went back to work while Paula stayed with Afton. Paula and I rented an apartment and I took her to baby sitters or to her grandmother Afton while I went to work. Except for times with her, my life was empty, aimless.

June 2, 1970

Charis died on March 6, 1970. This is the second night in our new apartment for Paula and me. We are surrounded by boxes from the movers. Unpacking has been sad—this is all Charis’ things, hopes.

Tonight I was unpacking a box with slides, movie film, and some pictures. They came from a drawer in a bookcase from Rapid City. And I found this little letter. It was as a message from Charis. I am going to tape it on the next page. (It was written on a narrow strip of paper.)

Dear Bill,

As I spoke to you on

the telephone tonight, I

realized that you really,

really missed me. And how

I miss you too.

It was a wonderful

feeling to know that I’m

that important to you.

I could hear it in your

voice and it was a

thrill to me.

I tell you all the

time that I love you.

I wonder if you really

know how very, very

much I do. How can

you begin to realize

the way I feel. I can’t

begin to express it.

I can’t tell you any more

eloquently than to repeat

the same words over

and over. – And yet words

are totally inadequate.

I thank you for your

love, for your everlasting

patience and goodness to

me, for tending me when

I’m sick and tolerating

me when I’m sad.

Thank you for all the

kind, quiet moments

when you’ve held me close

and kept me warm.

I love you my

darling, darling, darling.

Please be mine forever.

Love,

Charis

A year later, Paula and I went to South Dakota to visit Charis’ grave. We drove right to the site and found it. When I first saw it, I began to sob, uncontrollably. I could not help it nor could I stop it. Paula asked, “Daddy, what’s the matter?” I assured her it’s all ok, that I missed her mommy.

June 21, 1970

Last night I was embarrassed in a dream. This is the second or third time I have dreamed Charis and I were together talking about her recovery. Last night in the dream I told her I read her journals—the ones she asked me no to read until after she died. (I hadn’t read them until after she died.) But last night I told her about reading them. I guess when she was real sick and she later recovered. It was embarrassing.

March 6, 1971

It was a year ago today that Charis died. Many many nights those first few months I re-lived the events of that day. Yet there have been many experiences this past year that indicates to me her presence. And that is a warm pleasant thought. Some of the things I’ve done at work have not been my own doing. I feel her encouragement.

Tonight Bob Greenwood and I played a game of pool and went to a movie while Paula stayed at Grandma’s. O the way home she asked me “Why can’t mommy come home?”

I explained again that she died and couldn’t come back. She said, “Yes, she’s in Jesus’ heaven”

Then she said that we can go there. I said not till we die and that won’t be for a long time. I have been direct and honest in talking about Charis and I have always been amazed at how perfectly she seems to understand. I asked her if she remembers mommy. She said yes and I said we will always remember and love her. She said “Yes and her is Charis.”

June 2, 1971

Paula and I visited Charis’ grave today. This was the first time we have been back to see it since she was buried over a year ago. We drove right near it, got out and walked right over to it. I didn’t cry at her funeral, even though I was one of the speakers and gave the dedicatory prayer. I’ve cried since then, in fact, I became quite emotionally unstable. But now it’s been well over a year since she died. I’ve started dating and have dated quite a few girls. But when I saw paet of her name, CHARIS SOUTHWELL, on that flat name plate for the first time today as Paula and I approached it, I cried. Paula was puzzled. She said, “Why are you crying daddy?”

I said, “Because I miss Charis.”

She said, “Don’t cry, daddy.”

I said, “OK Paula”

But I couldn’t stop. I tried to control it. But I couldn’t. All those childhood years of never expressing emotion that way had been deeply entrenched such that in our married life I was never able to cry. Charis often said she felt sorry that I could never release my feelings but had to keep them locked up. Now suddenly it would not stop.

It happened once before, soon after she died, when we were unpacking her things and I found a note she had written to me. That time Paula saw me cry she cried too and became quite hysterical. She was only two and there was nothing I could do except hold her.

I didn’t want that to happen again. To divert her I showed her the raised letters on the Bronze plate. WE felt them with our fingers and I said, “Do you know what that says?”

“What?” she said.

“It says, Charis Southwell, February 18, 1941 – March 6, 1970.” There was no other writing or patterns or scrollwork on the marker—exactly as I had ordered it at the time of her funeral.

We admired each of the four groups of flowers people had brought on Memorial Day two days ago. We smelled the lilacs. I wondered who had brought them. They must have known how much Charis loved lilacs.

We sat at the head of Charis’ grave for quite some time that morning until they came cutting by on the lawn mowers.