SET: Longbourne, next morning

(Mr. Bennett enters carrying his paper and addresses audience)

Mr. Bennett: Well, what a party we had here last night. Mrs. Bennett will be down a little later for breakfast. Her nerves are bothering her this morning. I suppose she will never be consoled. Poor Lizzie, now must choose between her parents, for her mother says she will never speak to her again unless she marries Mr. Collins, and I won’t speak to her again if she does. Mr. Collins seems hardly disturbed about the whole matter. He rose early this morning and went out whistling.

(curtains open, Mr. Bennett crosses stage and exits to study)

(Kitty and Lydia enter from stairs, in robes, with their hair done up in papers or rags)

Kitty: Where is our breakfast? I’m famished. What a clutter things are in.

Lydia: What a wonderful time I had last night. Mr. Wickham said it was the greatest party he had ever seen outside of London or Paris.

Kitty: Did you know that Lizzie danced the last three dances with Mr. Wickham? All alone in the drawing room!

Lydia: Oh that was just because it was so crowded in the ballroom and besides, Lizzie was watching the punch table.

Kitty: Not quite all. I studied the way she looked.

Lydia: You watched!

Kitty: From where I was, I couldn’t help but see. She looked very happy.

Lydia: Well, I hope she won’t be too disappointed when she discovers who Mr. Wickham’s favorite really is.

Kitty: Oh, who is, Lydia?

Lydia: Well, I don’t want to sound immodest, but even though I may be the youngest, he told me that I was a great deal older than my years.

Kitty: You, Lydia?

Lydia: Don’t sound so surprised. I shouldn’t be surprised, Kitty, if the youngest in our family is the first to be married.

(Mr. Collins enters, L. seeming rather gay, whistling a little, and exits stairs.)

Kitty: I wonder what he’s so happy about, after Lizzie turned him down.

Lydia: Probably because he knows that Mama will make Lizzie marry him.

Kitty: I don’t think so, because Papa is on Lizzie’s side.

(from stairs)

(Jane and Elizabeth enter, they are dressed)

Jane: What are you girls doing in the drawing room dressed like that? Go up at once and get dressed.

Kitty: I’m hungry. (she exits stairs)

Jane: Well, breakfast will be late today.

Elizabeth: Where is mother this morning?

Lydia: Mama’s poor nerves are bothering her this morning. Because some people think they are so high and act so stubborn. (she exits stairs)

Elizabeth: Well, mind your business and go comb your hair, for heavens sake!

Elizabeth: You look very nice this morning, Jane. I don’t see how you can manage it after a night like last night.

Jane: I was a little extra careful, I must admit. Oh, Lizzie, I think we may have a visitor today.

Elizabeth: Do you mean Mr. Bingley?

Jane: Yes, but I shouldn’t be presumptuous.

Elizabeth: Oh, yes you should. I can see what you are thinking. You think he’s going to speak to father and ask permission to marry you.

Jane: Shh…! He hasn’t said anything about it yet.

Elizabeth: But he will.

(Door Knock)

Jane: Oh yes, I’m sure he will. I have no doubt but that he loves me. But, if I guess correctly, I’m not the only happy girl here this morning. I saw you dancing with Mr. Wickham last night.

Elizabeth: He is awfully nice, isn’t he?

Jane: Oh, yes. And so handsome.

Elizabeth: I must admit that.

(Maid enters with a letter from left)

Maid: A letter for you, Miss. (Jane receives it.)

Elizabeth: Who can that be this early?

(Maid exits)

Jane: (excitedly) What elegant paper!

Elizabeth: Well, open it.

(Jane opens letter and begins to read, her expression changes to alarm, then dismay.)

Jane: (reading) My dear Miss Bennett, (reads to herself) Oh Lizzie! (hands letter to Elizabeth) What a shock! The Bingleys and Mr. Darcy have gone back to London this morning—and nothing is said about them ever coming back. (she sinks into a chair and tries to keep from crying)

Elizabeth: It’s from Miss Bingley. They’ve gone to London to stay at Mr. Darcy’s town house, and be with his sister, Miss Darcy. (looks up) That treacherous Miss Bingley, and I imagine Mr. Darcy had something to do with this!

Jane: Did you read what she said about her brother and Miss Darcy? Remember, last night he said how he admired her?

Elizabeth: He was forced into it and he added the same compliment to you.

Jane: I’ll never see him again. I was wrong about him, Lizzie. How could I have been such a fool?

Elizabeth: You weren’t wrong. Miss Bingley saw last night what everyone else saw. That her brother is in love with you, and she wants him to marry Miss Darcy. So, she has teased him into going back to town, planning to keep him there. Then she wrote this note to you to make you think that he doesn’t care for you.

Jane: She couldn’t do that!

Elizabeth: Jane, you ought to believe me…No one who has ever seen you together could doubt that Mr. Bingley loves you. I’m sure I cannot. Miss Bingley is not a simpleton, and if she could see half as much love in Mr. Darcy’s eyes for herself, she would have ordered her wedding dress by now. Don’t you see? We aren’t rich or grand and she’s anxious for her brother to marry Miss Darcy, simply because she wants to marry Mr. Darcy.

(Door Knock)

Jane: I can’t believe she would do a thing like that. She’s been so sweet to me.

Elizabeth: You are too trusting, Jane. Believe me, Mr. Bingley will soon be back.

Jane: I wish I could believe you.

Elizabeth: I’m sure of it, absolutely sure.

Jane: Oh, Lizzie, bless your heart. (daubs her eyes with handkerchief, smiles and exits stairs. As Jane leaves, by stairs, Charlotte enters) L.

Maid: Miss Lucas to see you, Miss.

Charlotte: (takes Elizabeth’s hand, then they both sit down.) What luck to catch you alone. I’ve just come to tell you something.

Elizabeth: Oh?

Charlotte: Brace yourself, Lizzie.

Elizabeth: I’m ready. What is it, Charlotte?

Charlotte: Mr. Collins and I are engaged to be married!

Elizabeth: (standing up) What? Engaged to Mr. Collins! Impossible!!

Charlotte: (upset) Why should you be surprised, Lizzie? Do you believe that no-one else can like Mr. Collins, just because you don’t.

Elizabeth: But, how can you? You shall be miserable.

Charlotte: No. I hope when you think it over, you’ll be happy with what I’ve done. I’m not a romantic, you know. All I ask is for a comfortable home, and I’m convinced that my chance of happiness is as fair with him as most people can hope for when getting married.

Elizabeth: (trying to sound cheerful) Well then, we shall be cousins. Think how nice that will be. And I do wish you all the happiness in the world, Charlotte.

Charlotte: Thank you, Lizzie. I knew you would wish me well. Now, don’t tell anyone. My father will be by in a little while to announce the engagement. But I wanted you to know first.

Elizabeth: That was very thoughtful of you.

Charlotte: I’ll be going now. I’ll see you later.

Elizabeth: Good-bye. (Charlotte exits) (Left)

(Mrs. Bennett appears at the top of stairs and comes down while speaking)

Mrs. Bennett: Oh, my nerves! No one in this house has any compassion on my nerves. And now, Mr. Bingley has gone to London, and just when he and Jane were as good as engaged! My poor Jane. That wretched man!

Elizabeth: Now, Mama, I’m sure that Mr. Bingley will return shortly.

Mrs. Bennett: How can you say that? And you; with no compassion at all for your poor penniless sisters! Turning your back on their only hope!

Elizabeth: Please….Mama.

Mrs. Bennett: Oh, dear, Mr. Bingley is gone. Whatever am I to do?

Elizabeth: He’ll be back, Mama, and you should be thinking about having him to dinner.

Mrs. Bennett: Do you really think so?

(Door Knock)

Elizabeth: Yes. You should get the menus planned. He’ll be back any day.

Mrs. Bennett: Well….a goose would be nice. We should have two full courses.

Elizabeth: Come and sit down, Mama. (Mrs. Bennett sits down in her chair. Kitty and Lydia enter from stairs, followed shortly by Jane. Sir William and maid crosses to doorway)

Maid: Please come in, sir.

(Sir William Lucas enters, Kitty exits to study)

Mrs. Bennett: Sir William. How good of you to call.

Sir William: Not at all. How are you today, my dear Mrs. Bennett?

Mrs. Bennett: It is very good of you to inquire. My nerves, you know.

Sir William: (sympathetic) A-ah.

(Mr. Bennett and Kitty enter from study)

Mr. Bennett: Sir William, good morning.

Sir William: Good Morning!

Mr. Bennett: Won’t you be seated?

Sir William: (clears his throat) I have long been a great admirer of your family.

Mr. Bennett: Thank you.

Sir William: Nothing could please me more than to be connected with it.

Mrs. Bennett: You are very flattering, Sir William. I’m sure we value you as a dear friend.

Sir William: But, I am referring to an even closer relationship, Mrs. Bennett.

Mrs. Bennett: Well, I’m not sure I can imagine what it could be….

Sir William: I refer to the engagement of my daughter, Charlotte.

Mrs. Bennett: Engagement!!

Sir William: I am here in short, that is, in short, I am here to announce the engagement of my daughter, Charlotte, to your esteemed cousin, the reverend Mr. Collins.

Mrs. Bennett: What?? Oh, my smelling salts!! (Kitty runs to get the salts)

Lydia: My heavens, Sir Williams, how can you tell such a story? Don’t you know that Mr. Collins wants to marry Lizzie?

Elizabeth: Lydia!

Mrs. Bennett: Oh! Oh!!

Sir Williams: I beg your leave, (rises) but I am positive of the truth in my information.

Mrs. Bennett: Oh, my poor nerves!

Elizabeth: Indeed it is the truth. For Charlotte came a little while ago and told me herself.

Mrs. Bennett: I shall die, I shall die!

Elizabeth: Really, we do offer our congratulations, Sir William.

Jane: With all our hearts. (fervently)

Mr. Bennett: Indeed we do! (he guides Sir William to the exit)

Elizabeth: It’s a fine match.

Jane: Mr. Collins has such a good character.

Mr. Bennett: We hope you shall call again, very soon. Good day.

Sir William: Thank you. Good day. (he leaves) (Left)

Mrs. Bennett: I simply cannot believe it! They’ve tricked Mr. Collins! Oh—they will never be happy together. Ah….but perhaps the engagement won’t last. They’ll never go through with it. (to Elizabeth) You!! This is all your fault, you ungrateful girl. I’ve been the victim of all of you. Oh, I shall die! Ahhh! (she gasps and screams)

Jane: What is it?

Mrs. Bennett: I’ve just realized that one day Charlotte Lucas will be the mistress of this house—-this house! I shall live to see her take my place in it.

Mr. Bennett: Now, my dear, let’s not think such gloomy thoughts. Perhaps, you know it is possible, that I shall outlive Mr. Collins, and then none of this will come to pass. Besides, I think this is great fun. Here it turns out that Charlotte Lucas, whom I always thought was a sensible girl, is as foolish as my wife, and more foolish than my daughters.

Mrs. Bennett: Lydia, my pet, help me up to my room. (she is helped up the stairs in some state) Mr. Collins and Mr. Bingley both gone! Oh! My nerves!!

(The curtain closes; Mr. Bennett steps forward to the front of the stage.)

Mr. Bennett: Well, there is little doubt that my wife will recover. She always has. Though, I must admit that this has been a nasty shock. To have two daughters married and unmarried again, all within twenty-four hours! (he winks and exits)

INTERMISSION