SET: Longbourne, the next morning.

(Elizabeth and Jane come down stairs talking. Both go to front of sofa while talking.)

Jane: Mr. Bingley is just what a man ought to be. Sensible, good-humored, lively and I never saw such happy manners!….so much at ease, and with such perfect good breeding!

Elizabeth: He is also very handsome. A young man should be handsome if he possibly can.

Jane: (already infatuated) I was very flattered when he asked me to dance a second time. I surely didn’t expect such a compliment.

Elizabeth: That’s one great difference between you and me. Compliments always take you by surprise and me never. What could be more natural than his asking you again? He couldn’t help seeing that you were about five times as pretty as any other woman in the room. Don’t thank him for gallantry. Well, he is very nice and I give you permission to like him. You’ve liked some who were stupider than he.

Jane: Oh, Lizzie!

Elizabeth: (sits) You know, you are too apt to like people in general. You never see a fault in anyone. All the world is good and agreeable in your eyes. I’ve never heard you speak badly of a human being in my life.

Jane: (sits) I don’t like to be critical of people, but I do always say what I think.

Elizabeth: I know you do, and that’s what makes you so wonderful. You are honestly blind to the faults of others. I suppose you like Mr. Bingley’s sister, too. Her manners are certainly not equal to his.

Jane: Well, not quite, however she is a pleasing person to talk to. She is going to live here with her brother and manage the house. I think we shall find her a charming neighbor.

Elizabeth: She is well-dressed and well educated. I’m sure that she shares your high opinion of her.

(Lydia and Kitty enter from outside, while talking, drop their wraps on the sofa)

Elizabeth: Have you been out walking already?

Lydia: To the village and back. We met the most lonely officers.

Kitty: A whole regiment of the army is to be stationed in town.

(Door knocks)

Lydia: Wait till you meet Mr. Wickham! (the doorbell rings)

Jane: Oh, that will be Mr. Collins. (Maid enters from dining room and picks up coats, and goes through the open door.)

Elizabeth: Straighten your skirt, Lydia.

(Mr. Bennett brings Mr. Collins in from front hall, Mrs. Bennett enters from opposite side. Maid follows and goes to dining room.)

Mr. Bennett: May I present Mr. Collins? Mr. Collins, my daughters, Jane (M.R.) Elizabeth (M.L.), Katherine (back of sofa) and Lydia. Mrs. Bennett (in front of sofa), our cousin, Mr. Collins.

Mrs. Bennett: Please be seated, Mr. Collins. (he sits in center of room with the others arranged to either side)

Mr. Collins: (a person conceited without reason, pompous, and overly polite. A little ridiculous) Mrs. Bennett, may I compliment you on having such a fine family of daughters? I must say, I’ve heard that they were very beautiful, but in this instance, their fame has fallen short of the truth.

Mrs. Bennett: You are too kind, Mr. Collins.

Mr. Collins: I do not doubt that in due time you will see them all well disposed of in marriage. (the sisters are not pleased with this remark)

Mrs. Bennett: Oh, I do wish with all my heart that it may prove to be so, for if not, they will all be destitute, since things are settled so oddly.

Mr. Collins: You refer, perhaps, to the entail of the estate?

Mrs. Bennett: Yes, indeed I do. Not that I blame you personally, Mr. Collins. Of course, it’s not your fault that you will inherit all their money when their poor father is gone.

Mr. Collins: I am very aware, madame, of the hardship of this matter. And while I do not wish to be too forward in appearance, I can assure the young ladies that I have come prepared to admire them…and perhaps when we are better acquainted…ah but, at present I shall not say any more.

Mrs. Bennett: (very pleased) Ah, Mr. Collins.

Mr. Collins: What a lovely old house, and what fine furniture!

Elizabeth: Yes, Mr. Collins, and of course they shall be yours some day.

Mr. Collins: Oh! Well, yes. Teehee Well……..

Mr. Bennett: You seem to be very fortunate in having such a fine friend as Lady Catherine de Bourgh.

Mr. Collins: Oh, indeed. (solemnly) I have never before witnessed such affability, and condescension in person of such high rank. She has graciously approved both of the discourses which I have had the honor of preaching before her. She has invited me to dinner twice and offered a great many suggestions as to how I should furnish my house. She doesn’t mind if I leave the parish now and then to visit relatives and she has condescended to advise me to marry as soon as I can, provided that I choose with discretion.

Mrs. Bennett: How very civil, I’m sure. I daresay that she is a very agreeable woman. It’s such a pity that great ladies are not like her more often. Does she live near you, Sir?

Mr. Collins: The garden in which my humble abode stands is separated from her Ladyship’s estate only by a lane.

Jane: She is a widow, you said. Has she any family?

Mr. Collins: She has only one daughter. Heiress to the estate and very extensive properties.

Elizabeth: Then she is better off than most girls. What sort of girl is she?

Mr. Collins: She is a most charming young lady indeed. Lady Catherine says that she has true beauty, because her features are those of a young woman of distinguished birth. Unfortunately, she is rather sickly, which has prevented her making progress many accomplishments, which she could not have failed in, otherwise. I once observed to Lady Catherine that her charming daughter seemed born to be a Duchess and that the rank would be adorned by her. These are the kind of little things that pleases her Ladyship, and it is a sort of attention which I conceive myself peculiarly bound to pay.

Mr. Bennett: You judge very properly and it is happy for you that you possess the talent of flattering with delicacy. May I ask whether these pleasing compliments come from the impulse of the moment, or are they the results of previous study?

Mr. Collins: They usually arrive from what is passing at the time, and though I sometimes think them up in advance, I always try to give them with as natural an air as possible. (maid enters from dining room)

Maid: If you please, sir….(to Mr. B.)

(follows the family in)

Mr. Bennett: Well, it’s time to go in to dinner, Mr. Collins. Perhaps, after dinner you will show us your speaking ability and read to us?

Mr. Collins: I should be very pleased.

Lydia: We’re on the third chapter of Evalina.

Mr. Collins: Oh, I never read novels!

Elizabeth: Oh?

Mr. Collins: However, if you have Fordyce’s Sermons I shall be happy to read two or three of my favorite chapters for the edification of these young ladies.

Kitty: Oh, that would be lovely.

Lydia: Kitty!

Mr. Bennett: This way, Mr. Collins (he exits)

(the girls exit, then Mr. Bennett and Mr. Collins follow them while having the following conversation with Mrs. Bennett.)

Mr. Collins: After seeing your daughters, Mrs. Bennett, I can most assuredly say that since it is my intention to marry soon, it is my greatest desire to make amends to your poor girls by marrying one of them. And as Miss Jane is the eldest, why—–.

Mrs. Bennett: Well—as to my younger daughters, I could not take it upon myself to say,—-I could not positively answer—-I don’t know of any prepossession. My eldest daughter, I must mention—is likely to be engaged soon.

Mr. Collins: (disappointed) Oh! (pause) (brightening) No matter, Miss Elizabeth is quite her equal. Miss Elizabeth, indeed. (they both exit, followed by the maid)

CURTAIN