SET: AFTER THE BALL AT LONGBOURNE

(Mr. Bennett is sitting in his chair reading when they come in. The ladies are wearing their shawls and cloaks. They take them off as they enter.)

Mr. Bennett: (to audience) Oh! Hear that! They’re home from the ball. (Ladies enter, maid enters and takes Mrs. B’s coat. She starts speaking, then takes girls coats.) (Maid stands in hall and listens for a moment)

Mrs. Bennett: Oh, my dear Mr. Bennett, we have had a most delightful evening and a most excellent ball. I wish you had been there. Jane was so admired, nothing could be like it. Everyone said how lovely she looked and Mr. Bingley thought her quite beautiful. He danced with her twice! Think of that, my dear; he actually danced with her twice, and she was the only creature in the room that he asked a second time. First of all, he asked Miss Lucas. I was very vexed. But, he seemed quite stricken with Jane while they were dancing, and he asked her for the next dance! Then he danced with Miss King, then Maria, then with Jane again, and then with Elizabeth.

(exit maid)

Mr. Bennett: If he had any compassion for me, he’d have sprained his ankle, the first dance. Please—-no more of his partners. (Kitty goes behind sofa toward Mr. Bennett, Elizabeth is behind sofa)

Mrs. Bennett: Oh, I’m so delighted with him. He is so excessively handsome! And his sister is simply a charming woman. I’ve never in my life seen anything more elegant than her gown, why—–

Mr. Bennett: (interrupting) No, no! None of that. I’ve had enough.

Kitty: Well, you must hear about Mr. Darcy.

Mrs. Bennett: Such a rude man. Elizabeth was without a partner. There weren’t enough men, even with Sir William—(she goes D.L. and sits in her chair.)

Mr. Bennett: Yes, yes?

Mrs. Bennett: But Mr. Darcy was too proud to dance, and right in our hearing he said that Elizabeth was not good enough for him.

Elizabeth: You should have heard him. (mocking) She is fairly pretty, but not enough to tempt me. (Jane sits on sofa.)

Mrs. Bennett: But I can assure you that Elizabeth does not lose much by not suiting his fancy; for he is a most disagreeable horrid young man, not worth pleasing so high and conceited that there was no enduring him! He walked her (gestures) and he walked there, fancying himself so very great! Not pretty enough to dance with! Ha! I wish you had been there dear, to give him one of your talkings to. I quite detest the man.

Kitty: I hope he doesn’t come to our party.

(Elizabeth sits on sofa)

Mr. Bennett: Our party!!??

(Lydia dances around up stage)

Mrs. Bennett: Oh yes—I meant to bring it up. We’re having a ball soon, very soon.

Mr. Bennett: Oh, I see. We’re having a ball.

Lydia: A great, grand ball, Papa, and we’re going to invite the officers in the regiment. You should see their red uniforms!

Kitty: They are so handsome.

Mr. Bennett: Well then, one piece of news deserves another. I hope that you will order a good dinner tomorrow, because I have reason to expect an addition to our family party.

Mrs. Bennett: Who do you mean, my dear? I know of nobody that is coming. I’m sure, unless Charlotte Lucas, should drop in to visit with Elizabeth and I hope that my dinner’s good enough for her. I don’t believe she has as good at home.

Mr. Bennett: The person of whom I spoke is a gentleman (pause) and a stranger.

Mrs. Bennett: Ooh! A gentleman and a stranger! (pleased) It must be Mr. Bingley, I’m sure. Why, Jane…you never said a word of this; you sly thing! Well, I’m sure I shall be extremely happy to see Mr. Bingley. But, oh heavens, whatever shall we have for dinner? Lydia, my love, ring the bell. I must speak to cook this moment.

Mr. Bennett: It is not Mr. Bingley. It’s a person whom I’ve never seen before.

Jane: (disappointed) Oh.

Lydia: Is he an officer?

Elizabeth: Who on earth…..?

Mrs. Bennett: Why……who….?

Kitty: Yes, it’s an officer, to be sure.

Mr. Bennett: You’re all wrong. I received this letter from my cousin, Collins, the gentleman who, when I am dead, may turn you all out of this house as soon as he wishes.

Mrs. Bennett: Oh, don’t speak of it. The entail, that iniquitous affair! Your estate-your property, inherited by a distant relation! That odious Mr. Collins!

Elizabeth: Mother! You don’t understand the idea at all.

Mrs. Bennett: All I know is that because you had the misfortune to be born girls instead of boys, you are to be left without a penny in the world, the instant your Father dies. (rises—–to Mr. B.)

Jane: Now, Mother, it isn’t Mr. Collins’ fault.

Elizabeth: He had nothing to do with it, neither did father.

Mr. Bennett: I don’t suppose anything can clear Mr. Collins from the guilt of being my heir, but at least read his letter my dear.

Mrs. Bennett: (receives letter and returns to her chair) Well, I think it is very impertinent of him to try and make friends. He ought to keep on quarreling with you as his father always did. (she reads letter, muttering as she does so, then brightens slightly) Oh! (brightens more) Aho! Ah—ah—Oh my—(Lydia and Kitty gather behind her) My dear girls, your dear cousin Collins, who has been given a lovely position by the Right Honorable Lady Catherine de Bourgh as the minister of Hunsford Parish, thoughtful Mr. Collins feels very sorry that he is inheriting your father’s money, and to make it up to you, my poor children, he is coming here with an eye toward helping you all he can.

(Lydia and Kitty take the letter and read it)

Jane: I can’t guess how he plans to make the atonement he thinks our due. But, it is nice of him to want to do it.

Elizabeth: He makes a great deal of having a rich, influential friend in Lady Catherine. He must be quite an oddity, I think. I cannot make him out—there’s something very pompous in his style—and why does he apologize for inheriting money. He can’t be very sensible.

Mr. Bennett: Oh, I think he will be quite the reverse. I’m impatient to meet him. (winks)

Kitty: His letter is very well composed and the spelling is good.

Lydia: Well, I’m sure he can’t be an officer and a clergyman too. I suppose he will be very dull. (moves toward stairs)

Mrs. Bennett: Well, if we are to be up early to get ready, we must go to bed now.

(they all go upstairs)

Lydia: Do you think I may have a new dress for our ball, Mama?

LIGHTS FADE